Am I a Glutton? Part 3

From today's lesson (Day 12) of The Lord's Table:

Overeating is a sin for the following reasons:

• Whether we eat or drink, or whatever we do, we are to do to the glory of God (1 Corinthians 10:31). God is not glorified when we evidence a lack of self control in our eating habits.
  
• My body is the temple of God (1 Corinthians 3:17, 6:19). The temple of God is not to be destroyed or defiled. Overeating or other sinful eating habits defiles the temple and if continued in can lead to its early destruction.
  
• Sinning leads to slavery (John 8:34). Overeating, like any sin, becomes addictive and can be extremely hard to overcome.
  
• Jesus told us to take up our cross daily (Luke 9:23) and Paul told us to crucify the desires of the flesh (Romans 8:13, Colossians 3:5). To overeat is to gratify the cravings of the flesh, rather than to crucify them. This is sin. This is not to say that it's a sin to eat when hungry. The sin of gluttony is the habit of overeating. Food is not evil, and eating is not a sin.
  
• There are many passages of Scripture which speak of the sin of gluttony; the Bible instructs us to avoid the path of the glutton (Proverbs 23:20-21) and to "put a knife to our throat" if we are given to gluttony (Proverbs 23:2). (The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines gluttony as "excess eating.")
  

I'm still not 100% sure I would classify my problem of eating as sin, but then again I can see that it's not pleasing to the Lord. Why? Because I comfort myself by eating rather than by running to Him. I use food to calm myself down rather than taking refuge in the shadow of His wings. And finally, when people see me, there's no hiding that I'm larger than average, and thus I am sending a clear signal that I have no self-control, no discipline, and in today's society, that is automatically NOT bringing God any glory. In fact, I don't know what the opposite of "glorifying God through our lives" would be, but when people see us and we're too heavy, our lives have the opposite effect. Rather than glorify God, we are, in effect, telling others that He is not enough so we have to placate ourselves with sin.

Wow, maybe it *is* sin after all.

And maybe I really am a glutton.

I will have to pray about that.

Kissing My Baby's Face Off (Guilt and Envy)

In today's video blog, Dr Laura answers a question from a lady who was criticized for kissing her baby too much in public.

I'll be the first to admit I don't like the way Dr. Laura treats most of her radio-show callers, but I really liked this entry. She said in this case it was most likely that the criticism came because of guilt and envy.

I think that applies a lot to all situations, not just the baby kissing.

When people criticize us, why are they doing it?
Do they really have our best interest at heart and are trying to help us?
I think this is rare.

Or (more likely)

Are they guilty they didn't put as much effort into their lives?
Are they envious because we have something they don't?
Are they envious because we are providing something to others (but not them)?
Are they envious of some skill, intelligence, even the Aspie ability to not really "care" about social norms and fashions (and yes, this CAN be a gift)?

I still don't know why people go out of their way to criticize my weight, but 3 years ago someone sat me down and explained to me that most of the criticism I receive is REALLY is out of jealousy. It really helped me to feel better about myself and carry myself with confidence, knowing that I'm not "bad" but that the other person is just envious. I suspect NTs probably pick up on this, but if you have an Aspie relative who seems to be the brunt of outside criticism, you might want to share these questions and get them thinking.

Am I a Glutton? Part 2

While I'm still quite resistant to the idea that my stress-induced eating is Sin (described as such in The Lord's Table online course I'm taking), I certainly am more aware of it now. I see now that I'm eating out of stress, anxiety, rather than taking it before the Lord, and because my eyes have been opened, I am more often taking it before the Lord rather than soothing myself with something to eat.

It hinders our spiritual development, our relationship with God, to put anything before God and stress eating is certainly putting the comfort derived from food before the comfort of the Spirit.

When I think of the scriptures on gluttony, I don't feel it's describing me. But then, when I did some online research and my eyes were opened that gluttonly isn't just eating. It encompases a variety of excesses, including some that we, as Aspies, really struggle with:
White Stone Journal says there are at least three forms of Gluttony:

1) Wanting more pleasure from something than it was made for.
2) Wanting it exactly our way (delicacy).
3) Demanding too much from people (excessive desire for other people's time or presence).

Yikes and double yikes! I am definitely on that list:

1. I get angry when things/people don't provide the amount of pleasure I (usually unreasonably or illogically) expect it to
2. It has taken a looooooong time for me to realize that it's not all about me- that everything doesn't have to be my way, and that other people can have ideas that are just as good, even of those ideas are nothing like mine.
3. I have long since resigned myself to having an "intense" personality and try hard to realize that other people aren't as intense- so they aren't going to write as long an email, and they aren't going to spend as much time with me (or with my special interest). I've had to reign in myself, stop wanting too much of people. In the process of doing so, I've been able to form more "quality" friendships.

So when I take another look at the idea of gluttony (excess), I realize there are many, many areas of my life that have spiraled out of control.

I guess that's a tough thing about being an Aspie: You can pull it all together for awhile, but if you're not careful, one swoop of life can knock you off your feet and cause it all to unravel.

I'm going to rebuild my life, and in doing so, I hope to fortify myself so that the next circumstance that takes a punch at me knocks me down, but not out. Hope you'll join me.

Am I a Glutton? Part 1

For those who don't know me, I'm going through a very stressful life change right now. Although things are looking up, I'm having to deal with the consequences of some of my coping mechanisms.

I've tried to:

• Give myself space to cry, grieve, and just exist without external pressures
  
• Pull myself out of the aspie trance that often overtakes me around others
  
• Resolve the issues that make me angry, rather than just pushing them under the rug
  
• Remember that most people are unreliable, so I'm not too disappointed in them when they fail to keep their promises
  
• Stop daydreaming so much that I neglect handling necessary business
  
• Pretend I've got it all together when I'm feeling really anxious and on edge (and then rushing home ASAP to de-compress!
  
• Constantly remind myself that looks matter, and no matter how bad I feel, I MUST take care of my grooming and present myself professionally
  
• Remind myself that it's ok to feel a little down considering what I'm going through
  

I really think I've done a great job in handling all this. But there's one area that looms over me, one tell-tale sign that things are not ok, no matter how good a front I put up when I'm outside the security of my house:

My Weight. It's growing. And the visible expansion of my waistline in such a short period of time tells the world (or at least the people who see me every day) that I'm using food as a crutch, eating uncontrollably, and not taking good care of myself. That statement may not be true (I don't think I'm as bad as I look), but that's how they see me, and I have to acknowledge that.

I've gained 12 pounds in the last 3 months. I know my problem: Stress eating. I have been really, really, stressed trying to adapt to life as a single mom and taking care of all the details that must be wrapped up so I can proceed to make a future for me and my son.

I've always fought a weight problem, but this is just out of control. I started an online course called "The Lord's Table" which seeks to help us break free for the sin of gluttony. I had not considered my eating a sin, and I'm still not sure about that, but the premise of the course seems valid: Acknowledge that overeating is sinful/displeasing in the sight of God, that Jesus Christ died to set us free form the power of sin and that we,walking in newness of life upon salvation, can be free from all such bondage as gluttony, and then drawing nearer (prayer, Bible study) to the Lord when the urge to overeat arises.

We'll see how it goes. I'm going to be gentle with myself, though. I'm quite pleased with how well I've gotten through the last couple months, but I need to end this weight problem asap! I'm bursting out of my work clothes (even my BIG work clothes!!). Keep me in prayer :-)