Friday, July 31, 2009


Hey all, I'm still in the process of moving. I finally got my internet up and running, but it will still be awhile before I can resume blog posting. Please pray for me and my son as we open this new chapter in our lives.

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Listen Up Ladies

I love this post from Miss Dominique's Blog this is GREAT stuff on taking care of yourself and presenting yourself well. I know it's bad blog-etiquette to simply cut and paste someone else's stuff, but it was so true (and funny) I didn't know what to cut!

Listen Up Ladies!!!

Listen up Ladies!!! Your time has come!! Be Finer than Fine in 2009! You may have had a rough year in 2008… letting ya hair be rough; oops, forgot to smooth the perm? What’s up with the blemishes on the skin? Had your skin looking dry and dull in color, neglecting the pores; and God forbid if you deserted your poor nails, both fingers and toes! Let us not mention how many times we overate, trying to satisfy the voracious appetite we have in our MINDS! OMG… should I go here? Yes, I’m the one to take you there… How about the many times we overspent ourselves, buying too many clothes and not saving ANY money in the pay check!!! Well, that was all 2008. This year, shall we try turning over a new leaf? We shall. Shall I help you? I shall! Listen to Anyana-Dominique, children. It’s never too late to start good habits.

As young women, we believe “Beauty” is just the way you look; but this is not true. Beauty is not having long hair; what if your hair begins to break? Are you no longer beautiful? Beauty is not having a beaming white smile; what if the “yellow” begins to show with age? Are you no longer beautiful? Beauty is not just having a perfect complexion; you know adults get acne too?! Are you no longer beautiful? Beauty is not being skinny; what if you begin having a problem with your thyroid and you gain a little here and there? Are you no longer beautiful? Beauty is not having “colored eyes”; my eyes are dark brown. Am I not beautiful? While all these aforementioned instances play a part in beauty, there is so much more to beauty! Beauty is who you are. Beauty is what you are. Beauty is what you are trying to become. Beautiful is the woman that can manager her money! Beautiful is the woman is secure and self-sufficient! Beautiful is the woman who works hard for the things she has! Beautiful is the woman who learns from her mistakes! Beautiful is the woman who finds joy in the hard times! Beautiful is you; Beautiful is me! Above all, BEAUTIFUL IS THE WOMAN WHO KNOW THE LORD; THERE, HER TRUST, FAITH and HOPE LIES!

Are you feeling empowered? If not, allow me to help you further. I heard from a wise woman that Beauty does not lie in the eyes of the beholder. Look at the cover of the 2005 magazines; you see skinny, light skinned women EVERYWHERE. While nothing is wrong with them or their size, everybody aint skinny or light! I’m a healthy ebony goddess myself. That was “beauty” 2005. Come 2008/2009, it’s all about the curves, the booties and the full-n-plump pouts, and my lord… BREAST IMPLANTS EVERYWHERE! Beauty, if you say, lies in the eye of the beholder, changes like a fad. Beauty, my lovelies, lies in the eye of our creator. The way God sees things differs from what man sees. God sees beauty as how he made you. Whether you be an Ivory, Carmel or Ebony Goddess, God sees you as being beautiful because you are his “Fearfully and Wonderfully Made” creation. Yes, God created you. Of course, it helps to have an ideal X and supreme Y chromosome; nevertheless, God sees beauty in each of us. Remember as the times change, God remains the same and the potential he sees in you today, if you keep up the good work, he’ll see in you tomorrow.

***NOTE*** you must understand the analogies below… get it? Got it? GOOD!

If you are an Ivory Queen (light skinned/Caucasian), you are beautiful! Know ye not that in times past, Greek, Chinese and even Roman civilizations used ivory to create beautiful religious objects, precious ornaments and such. You, my Ivory Lovely, bring class and honor to the scene. Ivory is prized and in high demand! If you are a Caramel Delight (brown skinned/international), you are beautiful too! Know ye not that caramel is confectionery! Caramel is used to sweeten and fill the finest desserts! You, my Caramel Lovely, bring taste and pizazz to the scene. Caramel is popular and insanely sweet! If you are an Ebony Goddess (dark skinned), you know you are beautiful! Know ye not that Ebony is the most intensely used black woods known today! Ebony wood polishes smoothly, is high in density and fine in texture. You, my Ebony Lovely, bring strength to the scene. Ebony is ornamental and valuable.

If you are down on your beauty luck, GIRD yourself up and get ready to become BEAUTY in your own expression! Allow me to give you some pointers 101! You know I can’t just have a talk about beauty and not teach you a trick or two! Listen Up.

1. Do your hair!!!!! EVERYDAY. Take good care of your hair. Hair is the glory of a woman. Once you get your hair done, keep it conditioned, trimmed, scalp greased (if needed), and my goodness, WASH YOUR HAIR! Don’t let the person standing behind you smell the funk of your dirty hair! This is unacceptable my lovelies! Do not forget about your deep conditioners (15 minutes under a hooded dryer. Don’t have one? A nice hot towel straight from the dryer will suffice). Try anything with Protein, Cholesterol and peppermint for the tingling sensation that also encourages hair growth! Before you rinse your conditioner out, give your scalp a deeeeeeeeep tissue massage! You will feel great and your scalp will be stimulated, thus, supporting growth. Wrap you hair every night if your style permits; if not, be sure to cover your style in a way that will maintain the style and control. In the AM, unwrap and style as desired. How hard is that! Try Pantene, Crème of Nature or Garnier Frutics products if you are on a budget… However, if you are like me and do not mind spending your dimes for the sake of your hair, try Mizani or Design Essentials (my FAV) Shampoos & Conditioners. Now, if you have a special scalp (dandruff), some remedies never work and you just have to work with your hair and see a dermatologist (more so recommended); however, try moisturizing shampoos that have the pearlescent affect… this means they are conditioning shampoos; you'll love the result! If you decide to use a dandruff shampoo (Head & Shoulders) you MUST follow-up with a moisturizing/conditioning shampoo. Dandruff shampoos are high in acids like Salicylic and Sulfur. While they loosen and remove flakes, they may dry your scalp and strip it of all the natural oils. Thus, you must follow-up with a nice conditioning shampoo and even a good deep conditioner to infuse the moisture back in your scalp and hair. Try not to use shampoos containing tar as they may stunt your hair growth, clogging the pores of your scalp. Also, note that there are two type of dandruff: oily dandruff that does not fall to your shoulders (you have to scratch it off the scalp), yellowish in color and has an odiferous odor. This may simply stem from over-active sebaceous (oil) glands. Treatment: stop using so much daggon grease! You may not need grease on you scalp. IN ADDITION, change your diet; instead of fast food, try a good home cooked meal from Mama! The other, dry dandruff that is flaky, falls to the shoulders, VERY EMBARRASSING and is white and ashy looking in color. This may stem from a lack of water, under-active sebaceous glands, and a faulty diet. Treatment: change your diet and perhaps use light grease with Tea Tree Oil (weird smell… great fungi killer) try Black-N-Sassy Triple Grow grease... it tingle too! Lastly, because the epithelial layer (epidermis or outermost layer) is constantly shedding, allowing new cells to form, your “flakes” may be caused by the rapid shedding of the epithelial layer! Be anxious for nothing my lovely, this is a good thing. Your hair probably grows faster than others.

2. Cleanse your skin (face)! Twice a day, once in the morning and once before bed. This will help those fighting acne. Do not use bar SOAPS as they dry the skin; use a foaming or lathering cream facial wash, perhaps a scrub light enough to use daily. Try clean and clear products for acne prone skin. For normal skin, try Oil of Olay or L’Oreal. Make sure that after every cleansing session you follow-up with a moisturizer. Burt Bee’s makes an excellent Carrot Cream for the daytime (I use it in the evening because it is heavy); Clean and clear Dual Moisturizer makes an amazing moisturizer for the day! Proceed with caution around those eyes! Your skin is thinnest all around the eyelid so be light and gentle when you remove make-up or even rub your eyes. Try using your ring and middle fingers, as they are light to the touch naturally. Keep being rough around those precious eyes little lady and you will have those infamous BAGS! When you cleanse, use upward, circular strokes. If you keep washing your face downward, your skin will soon begin to sag! If you wear Make-up, you especially need to remember to cleanse your skin. Sleeping with make-up on clogs the pores, raising the risk for acne! Just take the time to wash your face; you will be grateful later! If you have acne, please do not pick the pimple… for they do not like to be picked; they have to run their course so they don’t leave an ugly scar. Use a little Witch Hazel every day/night/whenever to help dry the bump. Acne is a disease that forms under the skin and will come through the pores as a pustule (puss-filled pimple) which is contagious. MEANING that if you pop your pimple and the puss oozes and gets everywhere, another pimple may grow around the area. Change your diet my dear! Stop eating the fast food ALL the time. Not too much grease ok? Ok.

3. Brush your teeth! TWICE. Sweet breath is always a winner in any event! Remember, the breath lieth in the tongue, SO brush your tongue! Brush the bridge of your mouth too! GET ALL UP IN YA MOUTH AND BRUSH! For pearly whites, use any toothpaste with baking soda, peroxide, and even throw in some fluoride! Listerine or Crest your mouth out, in the AM and PM! Make your breath sweet when you sleep; it counts too! Chew gum if your jaws permit! Trident White is wonderful! And go to the dentist! I’ll digress from that; I know yawl scared of the dentist!

4. Put some make up on! I know, I know, you want your natural beauty to show! BLAZZAY, BLAZZAY!! Ok, wanna be natural, everyday, a rosy blush on the balls of your cheeks! That’s right. Smile and apply! Not too much now. No matter your color, Maybelline makes a lovely array of rosy colors. You’ll love it; look like a doll! Now, for those (any complexion) like me who like to accentuate the eyes – apply a golden-shimmer to your lids and smooth in; next, apply a matte brownish-red color to the crease; lastly, apply a little bit of a beige color to the brow bone! You’ll love it!! Maybelline make lovely combos! They are ready to apply! NOW, for the best part… EYELASHES!!! If you don’t wear anything out the house… make sure you have on your lashes! Girl, use some of the Turbo Boost, Volume 7x, VERY BLACK mascara from Maybelline. Apply the brush as close to the base of the eyelash as possible! Smooth even strokes will grant the Snuffleupagus (beautiful, full, long curly) affect. NEVER forget the smoothness of your pout!! At night use a nice soft gloss for your lips to ensure they don’t chap overnight. During the day, Victoria’s Secret has a wonderful collection of “Beauty Rush” lip-glosses, very soft in color, more shimmer than anything; but they smell and TASTE great! They are nice and shiny; not quite the chicken grease shine, but enough to make a man melt at the sight of your perfect pout.

5. Care for and cleanse your skin and body! Use cocoa butter emollients that are thick and rich a night or after you shower and in the day time use your smell goods! Men love soft skin! Get your skin to glow! Perfect skin stems from a HIGH intake of water! To wash at night with lathering cream soaps like Dove. Soft Soap makes a beautiful line of body wash! They smell great! Please, don’t use the same towel ALL over. Use the little bath scrunchy for your body AND for those special places; instead you may want to use a towel so you can make sure your hygiene is on point! Let us not forget those under arms. Don’t go the whole day sweating and forget to wash. This causes the onion smell... Oh, now now little sistah, don’t act like you don’t know that smell! You smell it first; you're the closest one to your body! Your nostrils are pointing down, God made the nose like that so no one will have to tell us that we smell! Out with the onion! In with the Roses! Add some exfoliating cream soaps as well! These peel back the layers over skin, revealing a clear complexion, even tone, and skin is soft to the touch! In the daytime, use your smell goods: Bath and Body Works (Cherry Blossom, personal fav) and Victoria’s Secret (High in alcohol – dries the skin, but smells fab!). MAKE sure you always smell good… I love to smell a man when he walks past me… that lingering cologne is sooo beautiful to me; I can’t help but think men like the same. Spray your neck, shoulders, outer wrists, ankles and up your dress (you know what I mean??) SPRAY EVERYWHERE!! My sister, before you go to spraying, wash! NOTE: When the vampire comes to take your blood every month, you have to be cleaner than usual. You must, MUST change your pad/tampon every couple of hours. God forbid if you bleed heavy; you’ll have to take extra care of your lovely lady. There are so many feminine antiperspirant sprays. They smell good and kept odor away. Try it! You’ll love it! They are purse friendly. Also, take advantage of the Always pads with the feminine wipe attached! They make you feel so clean. Try to incorporate a workout regiment! Maybe three times a week at your local gym! You don’t need a personal trainer… just do 1.5 miles/35 minutes on the treadmill. If you’re like me and can’t run, walk briskly at 3.5 MPH with an incline of 10%. It is double the work of running because of the incline; besides, you’ll see results quicker. I began working out every day after work! I absolutely love the way I feel; More energy, my skin glows, metabolism if faster (serious BMs man). You will sleep better, speed up your metabolism and you will begin looking great! Eat the right foods! Its okay to splurge once in a while; but be a good girl and eat what’s healthy and you’ll love the end result!

6. Look great! Buy clothes that accentuate, not take away. Here is a good idea I spread to my girls: every paycheck, buy you a little outfit (new dress, professional attire or “kick it” gear)! Try not to exceed $55.00. This will help you maintain a healthy budget while you get more and more clothes! You will love it! You have to have a budget and stick to it (we will talk about this next) however, you also have to treat yourself! You have to love to dress yourself! You’ll feel better and people will respond to you differently! The long flowing dresses are hot! They are extremely romantic and the guys dig it! You’ll love the way you feel in professional wear! People respond to you as if you are some HIGH-LEVEL executive! I mean the whole nine; slacks (not tight ones… hence, the word slacks) with a beautifully tailored blouse and some pumps! The men race to open doors for you, the women want what you have on, your boss will take you everywhere he/she goes because you represent them well! When you walk, hold your head up and keep your back straight; when you talk, talk clean and proper… no one has to know that you come from the ghetto; and when you enter a room, act as if you know all eyes are on you! I’m not saying be snobby, but you just want to enter a room and let people know you are here and it’s ok to look at you! Always look your best, be your best and do your best! Be an over-achiever! Don’t settle for satisfactory; this gets you nowhere.

How about a break from the physical aspect of beauty; let us go to the mental, spiritual and emotional aspect of beauty. A Beautiful woman is frugal and prudent! Be sure to save your money! A lady in our church shared a wonderful breakdown of an easy budget: when you get your paycheck, obligate 10% of the gross to the Church House for tithes, 40% is yours, and the remaining 50% goes into the savings account that you don’t touch. Now, I have split that last 50% in half because you need a savings account for emergent situations. Therefore, 25% goes to savings and 25% goes into savings that is UNTOUCHABLE! There you have it! Don’t spend too much money eating out; you’ll be surprised how much you save by getting a bowl of noodles of one of those “ready made” frozen meals. You’ll watch your weight and save money! A Beautiful woman also knows the power of prayer! Maintain a healthy prayer life! Be sure to talk to your father; as He knows you better than ANYONE! He loves to hear from his children! He loves to share of grief. He loves to bear our burdens! Be sure you talk to God daily! Before you go to bed, tell God Good Night! I do! I know, God neither slumbers nor sleeps; but you do and you should be polite and tell God, Good Night! You can tell ya lil’ beady head monkey boyfriend Good Night! Don’t get me started! A Beautiful woman is seen rather than heard. I know, I’m not one to talk to much on this; I KNOW I’M LOUD! However, I am Studying to be Quiet. It takes a lot of learning, separating from friends and humility! A Beautiful woman shows herself friendly! You want friends. Be friendly and they will come! A Beautiful woman does not hang in the “IN” crowd though she may be popular! It’s ok to have friends, just don’t go getting mixed up in the wrong company. If you know that you are impressionable, you may want to find a different crowd! It’s ok to separate from your “friends” who careless about their reputation… You know, Association Begets Participation – If you have CLOSE friends (those you hang with) that are doing all manner of evil under the shinning sun, they must go! * Reputation never fades. A good name is more desirable than great wealth.* Never forget that! A Beautiful woman is Patient. Learn how to wait on Jesus. Your strength will be renewed when you begin feeling weak in waiting. Waiting for a man? Gurl, we all are! Waiting for a job? It will come! Waiting for anything? The Lord will supply your needs in due time, I promise! Patience is a virtue that few people have; but they that have it find favor with the Lord. Whatever you are searching for, just know, that “He will make all things beautiful in His time.” A Beautiful woman has Class. A Beautiful woman has Pizzazz. A Beautiful Woman has Virtue. A Beautiful Woman has Standards. She has Goals. She Lives her Dream. A Beautiful woman is like a duck; she lets the little things roll off her back like water! She does not fight. A Beautiful Woman has Love for her fellow sisters. She does not loose sleep over stress. She Smiles. She Laughs. She makes the Sun Rise. She makes the Moon Glow. A Beautiful Woman is a Peacemaker. A Beautiful Woman is Beautiful inside and out

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

The Aspie Macrobiologist

Here is a story from Healing is a Choice
by Steve Arterburn. I've entitled the story, The Aspie Macrobiologist, because (while Dr Arterburn does not say so) I think many Aspies can identify with him.

This man has a very high IQ and is a microbiologist and nuclear physicist -or at least he has the degree and the experience to be one. He is, however, a postal worker who drives his route alone in a truck, comes home to an empty house without even a pet, watches television, goes to bed, and starts the whole process all over again the next day.

He suffers from social anxiety. People drive him away or up the wall. He is uncomfortable every moment he is around others. This discomfort often leads to inappropriate interactions, which have caused him to lose job after job. Following his last job fiasco, he saw a newspaper ad about joining the postal workforce and has been able to hold down a job as a traveling postal worker for a few years. He has been able to earn a consistent paycheck, but he is miserable.

It is difficult to show up day after day and do a good job as a postal worker if you are called to be a microbiologist. Many of our listeners are postal workers...and they love their jobs...they are energized by the job. It would be a very difficult job, however, if you believe that everything in you was designed for microbiology. Postal delivery would be a very tough job if you have memories of wanting to know details about how things work and spent hours as a boy looking at leaves and seawater and anything else you could fit under your microscope.

I asked this man with an IQ far beyond mine, how has the ability to study and focus far beyond my ability, "What have you done to help yourself feel more comfortable around other people?" He had done nothing. He had never sought any help for himself. He had never Googled "anxiety" or searched the yellow pages to find a counselor...he held on to the notion that he would one day figure out the answer and help himself live the life he wanted. At his age, however, the rut he was living in was growing deeper and deeper. Perhaps talking to me was the first step toward helping his life.

If this sounds like you- and a few years ago, this guy sounded like me- please seek out help. You CAN learn to interact in the social world. You CAN overcome the obstacles to living the life you dream of. I know my posts have been a little down lately, but that's because I'm going through a sad family situation, and after awhile the sun will shine on both me and my family. It will for you, too, if you work on it.

Interested in the book? Read the Amazon reviews (you'll learn a lot just from the reviews), then get it from the library!

Sure, It Gives Your Life Meaning, But it DOES NOT Pay the Bills

This is what I just told myself after spending an hour or so reading and responding to emails, blog comments, and facebook. Inner conversation went like this:

Oh my goodness, I can't believe I spent an hour on this! I was supposed to do the find the budget worksheet and get back to work.

Well, there's no harm in losing an hour- these people {the people I was responding to} give my life meaning, make me feel better about myself, and let me know I'm making a difference.

Sure, it gives your life meaning, but that DOES NOT pay the bills!!

Interacting with my Aspie friends out there gives my life meaning- I love the connections I've made, and it puts a perspective to my life (making the sorrows seem less threatening and giving me opportunities to share my joyous moments). The feelings of belonging are so addictive, that I am tempted to spend more than just my lunch period home working on it. But if I do that too often, my production at work will fall off. And eventually, while they can't fire me, they'll find someone more productive to give all the juicy, lucrative assignments. And then I won't be able to maintain my lifestyle and pay my bills.

So, if you're like me, wasting time on the computer that should be better put to use whether it's performing at your job, taking care of the house, "loving on" your kids, or spending quality time with the Lord, STOP RIGHT NOW and GO DO IT for at least ten minutes.

Then come back and comment on my blog LOL!!!

Friday, July 10, 2009

A Better Day

It occurred to me last night that I hadn't cried myself to sleep in almost a week.

For two months after receiving some bad family news, I pretty much cried myself to sleep every night.

And now, though I'm still kinda down, I'm realizing that when one door closes, another opens. One chapter of my life- that I wasn't ready to end- has closed on me and now I need to look forward to the door that's about to open.

Thanks everyone for your support through this tough time- for carrying me until I could stop crying and see "A Better Day."

Monday, July 6, 2009

Fat, Dumb, and Happy

The phrase, "Fat, Dumb, and Happy" is stuck in my mind because I've been wondering what life would be like if I never realized I was "different."

There was a time, back in high school, when I was blissfully unaware of my differences. Sure, I didn't have a lot of friends, but that's because I was focused on grades to get free college ride. And I was a nerd. Lack of friendship was expected. But when I went to college, my eyes were opened. I saw that others -even nerds- experienced a depth in relationships I had never known. I saw that people treat me worse when I presented myself as "me," and learned how to project a confidence I don't really feel. I lost about 60 pounds, became part of the "normal weight club" and discovered just how horribly others thought of "fatties" LIKE ME. Even now I can hardly purchase groceries without worrying over whether people are judging me for what I throw in the basket, for I've regained a few of those pounds.

I know I should be thankful. These revelations have allowed me to ascend to a higher professional status than I deserve. To make more money than I deserve. To be more than the Goodwill Janitor prescribed by my psych eval no offense to my Goodwill brethren intended- I'm just saying I should be where you are, but praise God, am able to hold a better job. I also have more social interaction, participate in networking events, and are routinely invited to events with coworkers (though none are as fulfilling as my friendships with a handful of other intense Aspies).

But on the other hand, my days are shadowed by a growing dislike of my natural self and seething anger of the injustice of having to conform. Before I knew I was different, I was happy. Happy with who I was and what I could accomplish.

What if I still believed that everyone else out there processes information like I do, or that they all have the same level of social interaction as I do. To not know how they belittle me when my weight creeps up. To not know how they make fun of my strange behaviors (before I learned to control and hide them). I wonder what it would be like to go back to not caring what anyone thinks of me. And one day, when I secure my retirement, and buy my house in the middle of nowhere, I intend to do just that. But it won't be the same for me.

It takes every ounce of energy I have to put up the proper front during the day, leaving me collapsed in a heap at the end of the day, with little time or energy for the things that truly give me joy. Why do I continue? Because I want to keep my job til I can retire, and I want people to take good care of my son while he's under my care. Those two goals inflict a requirement to get along with others, play "the game," be mindful of what they think about my appearance, behavior, life, etc. I tell myself it will be worth it 10 years from now when I have a "check for life" coming in and my son is a confident, productive member of society. I also tell myself that one day I will accept myself for who I am, embrace the good and the bad, and stop holding myself to someone else's standards of who I should be.

But until then, I'll sludge along and try not to look back wistfully at the days when I was "Fat, Dumb, and Happy."