I've tried to:
- Give myself space to cry, grieve, and just exist without external pressures
- Pull myself out of the aspie trance that often overtakes me around others
- Resolve the issues that make me angry, rather than just pushing them under the rug
- Remember that most people are unreliable, so I'm not too disappointed in them when they fail to keep their promises
- Stop daydreaming so much that I neglect handling necessary business
- Pretend I've got it all together when I'm feeling really anxious and on edge (and then rushing home ASAP to de-compress!
- Constantly remind myself that looks matter, and no matter how bad I feel, I MUST take care of my grooming and present myself professionally
- Remind myself that it's ok to feel a little down considering what I'm going through
I really think I've done a great job in handling all this. But there's one area that looms over me, one tell-tale sign that things are not ok, no matter how good a front I put up when I'm outside the security of my house:
My Weight. It's growing. And the visible expansion of my waistline in such a short period of time tells the world (or at least the people who see me every day) that I'm using food as a crutch, eating uncontrollably, and not taking good care of myself. That statement may not be true (I don't think I'm as bad as I look), but that's how they see me, and I have to acknowledge that.
I've gained 12 pounds in the last 3 months. I know my problem: Stress eating. I have been really, really, stressed trying to adapt to life as a single mom and taking care of all the details that must be wrapped up so I can proceed to make a future for me and my son.
I've always fought a weight problem, but this is just out of control. I started an online course called "The Lord's Table" which seeks to help us break free for the sin of gluttony. I had not considered my eating a sin, and I'm still not sure about that, but the premise of the course seems valid: Acknowledge that overeating is sinful/displeasing in the sight of God, that Jesus Christ died to set us free form the power of sin and that we,walking in newness of life upon salvation, can be free from all such bondage as gluttony, and then drawing nearer (prayer, Bible study) to the Lord when the urge to overeat arises.
We'll see how it goes. I'm going to be gentle with myself, though. I'm quite pleased with how well I've gotten through the last couple months, but I need to end this weight problem asap! I'm bursting out of my work clothes (even my BIG work clothes!!). Keep me in prayer :-)