Well, I'm in the midst of business conferences and such, and haven't really had much time to blog. Even now I should be doing something else, but had this epiphany on the subway and thought I'd share. Good thing too, because I was treated to a heartwarming comment on this post (My First Hug).
Anyways, I was thinking about how I just needed to hold myself up a little longer and make it back to my room. Slap on my happy face so no one will think nothing is wrong with me. Inside I'm pretty upset about things going on in life but none of my business associates care about that.
As I exited the subway toward my hotel, I got angry at having to pretend to be someone else all the time. Pretend to be someone else on the job, pretend to be someone else at church, pretend to be someone else at home (well, actually, I've just recently started doing that b/c I realized that I don't treat my wonderful husband very well and ought to start being as nice to him as I am to the people I work with).
Then I chided myself for putting on a pity party, since NTs have to do the same thing. They're putting up a front all the time- to get your business, to get your acquaintance, have a decent working relationship, etc. They do it easier than we do. And they (usually) don't have that hard-wired sense of honesty-to-a-fault that makes it hard for (some of) us to be "polite." But they're still being "fake" much of the time.
Then it hit me.
My poor little boy- from sunup to sundown is being told who to be, how to act, what to say, etc. Unlike his mom, he can't go home and retreat into his private space because right now (temporarily) he doesn't even have his own room. He can't retreat into his home office to decompress. I don't suppose it ever occured to me that he even NEEDED space and time to decompress and be himself. I thought that came with a job, bills, and responsibilities :-) No wonder he's so angry and frustrated and never at peace. Not saying a little downtime would solve all his behavioural problems, but if it helps me I can't help but wonder if it will help him.
I'm going to discuss this with my husband and look at what changes we can make in this area. In the meantime, feel free to let me know what you think.