My last post dealt with how most people don’t like to be around perfect people. And how sometimes we give off the impression that we think we are perfect or how we just naturally have "good" habits that make others feel bad about themselves.
I don't get it, but I accept it and try to deal with it.
In this post, I'd like to point out how my thinking differs from the bulk of the population on this. I have more Aspie friends who think like me, so I hope this post will help them (and you) understand some of the differences.
I like being around people who are better than me. It inspires me. Unless they’re the kind that rub my nose in it. I don’t like being around THOSE meanies, but most of the awesome people I know aren’t that mean. They're proud of themselves and enjoy being around people like me who think highly of them and aren't trying to bring them down.
When you're around people who aren't as pretty, accomplished, "good," or experienced, they feel terribly flawed. I have this problem a lot, and I don’t understand why because I’m not perfect! At the same time they think I’m looking down on them, I'm actually looking at their ability to "read between the lines" and pick up on social cues that I don't see and *I'm* feeling terribly flawed.
I don't understand how people are like that, because I DON'T say to myself, "Gee, that person is so awesome and can hear 10 conversations at once. They never forget a face -or a name- and they don't go into sensory overload. They have their lives handed to them on a silver platter and I have to work for every drop of happiness I get. So I hate them."
Instead, I say, "Gee, that person is so awesome and can hear 10 conversations at once. They never forget a face -or a name- and they don't go into sensory overload. Their life does seem to be a lot easier than mine- seems like I have to work for every drop of happiness I get. I wish I could have had that life growing up, but I'm doing pretty good with the life I have. I wonder if they have something cool to teach me, so let's see if they want to grab a coffee"
I DON'T look at a beautiful woman and say, "Gee she is so thin, blond, and gorgeous and all the guys flock to her. I hate her!"
Instead, I say, "Gee she is so thin, blond, and gorgeous and all the guys flock to her. I know I'll never be thin or blond, but her earrings are cute so I'll ask her where she got 'em! And she probably doesn't feel beautiful because all the guys who approach her probably just want sex, and that actually makes you feel REALLY bad inside, so I'll find something to compliment her on and brighten her day."
And I really do say that even though I know most guys like tall, thin, blond girls and I'll never be one. I don't take my sadness at being short, dark, and plump into my interactions with the tall, blonde, and thin girl. She can't help being tall and beautiful. It's a genetic gift. I can't help that I would look bad if I bleached my hair blonde, but I can work with what I've got.
But most girls don't think that way.
Hm, there was a point to all this when I started writing... there really was! Oh, yeah: I just want to remind everyone that we all think differently. Whether we are NT or Aspie, others don't always think the same way we do. So our job is to figure out how they think and then behave so their mind translates our words and behaviors into the message we really want to give.
And for most people that means trying not to give the impression that we think we're perfect.