Friday, June 18, 2010

Fitting In/Being Shy- Advice For Overcoming

A friend sent me this advice presented (on a public dating forum- click HERE for original post) to someone who is shy and having trouble making friends because she's way more cerebral than most kids. I thought it might help fellow Aspies (whether or not you're dating). Please note, the website this came from is not Christian and you will find a LOT of expletives and rather graphic stuff. But not in this particular shyness post:

if you really want to "fit in" and have more friends, I think you need to try and tap into the energy of your peers a little more. You operate at a completely different level to what they do. Your thought processes are much more complex, so in order to relate and affiliate with them you need to bring yourself back. If it is really what you want then emulate those that you would like to become friends with, while adding a touch of the sophisticated you. As you penetrate a friendship group they will be more accepting of your eccentricities.

My advice however is to be yourself and don't put so much value on having loads of friends. I have had the copious amount of friends thing and find it can be extremely draining of time and energy. I too love to have "me" time and with too many friends that consider you too be one of their "bestees" (my daughters terminology) then it becomes almost impossible to keep everyone happy as you spread your time among many.

How to develop confidence and get on with any complete stranger: Use their name in the conversation; comment on something unusual they are wearing (or appealing facial features etc) or that you know they are passionate about (ie., sport, music, cars, dancing, hair, make-up, fashion etc), allow them to lead the conversation and throw in paraphrasing and jokes that you know will appeal to their level of maturity. With experience and maturity comes confidence Chelse........... but also know, trying too hard can come across as nerdy Grin I hope that might have helped a little. Wink

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