Saturday, May 15, 2010

2,363 Emails in my In-Box

I've been avoiding email all week. Most of it is spam- Viagra ads or Super RX. Or scam schemes, or invitations to porn.

I was going to clean it out today, until I saw the total number: 2,363 items in my in-box.

I know there's a few "real emails" in there. After all, I'm webmaster for several sites, including MarylandAutism.org, so I get service requests and such.

But I bet you this: out of all those emails, I'll bet not one is asking how my day went, or am I ok. I'm sure not one of them is anything personal or expressing any caring.

I've had a rough week. I received some bad news over the weekend, and all week I've been down. Up til yesterday, I did a good job of keeping a stiff upper lip on my job, but I know I've appeared down at church or with my (few) friends.

Problem is, most of my friends are like me- all business. Don't handle emotions well. Care, but don't know how to really help, and too uncomfortable to listen to anyone's pain for too long because there's nothing I can do about it.

And I want to whine, but who cares about my minor issues when one friend just got diagnosed w/cancer. Another's mother is dying, and another's marriage is falling apart.

I'm so glad that the Lord loves us. If I didn't have His love right now, I doubt I'd be sane. And I can at least be thankful that He is using this experience to show me what kind of friend *I* need to learn how to be... the kind of friend I wish I had right now.

4 comments:

Gavin Bollard said...

Sorry to hear that you're feeling down. You're right of course, none of your emails will be asking how you are because the world just doesn't work that way.

Sometimes you shouldn't wait to be asked. Just shout it out for everyone to hear. Maybe you'll feel better after that - or maybe not.

I do know that the stiff upper lip is a myth. Keeping things bottled up inside only makes them hurt more.

I Hope things get better soon.

SavedAspie said...

Thanks Gavin, things are looking up though I'm still sad at the news I received. I guess it will just take time.

In the past I always took a "tell the world" approach, and it's hard for me to balance my natural tendency to tell all with the knowledge that most people just don't care.

And if we tell all, werisk annoying them, or even worse, turning ourselves into targets for those who would take advantage of us!

Christine D. said...

Sorry about the rough week! (((hugs))) God will definitely see you through. In the meantime, I agree that if no one has asked how you're doing, please reach out to someone who's a good listener and share what's been going on. <3 Even though (thankfully) what you're going through may not be as serious as some of the other things your friends are, they are still your battles and it's good to have other Christians on your side to pray for you so they can see you through to victory.

By the way, I'm so happy to have found your blog. I'm saved and a self-diagnosed Aspie and it's so nice to find others out there like me. :-)

Blessings!

SavedAspie said...

Thanks Christine, glad you dropped by! I'm in the process of pruning dead-weight friends, and then also trying to nourish friendships where people actually do care.

Only problem is, the ones where people actually do care are FAR less than the ones where people just wanted me to do stuff for them. That's hard, but as I'm learning about proper boundary setting the good news is that my newer friends are less likely to be either "dead weight" or "users."

And I'm not getting so frustrated at those old relationships that don't benefit me because I know I have the power to say "no" or cut those people off.

Praise God!