Unfortunately, that means the male landscape is pretty bleak for me. Unless you pretend you might one day (soon) give it up, they aren't interested. They might come back around once or twice if they think you are just being a challenge... but after that (when they realize you really ARE waiting for marriage), they kick you to the curb for someone looser. They don't wait for you to explain how exciting you want the marriage bed to be- they just hear that they aren't getting any without a ring.
There are a few "church guys" out there, but I have commiserated with many a pastor's wife about the lack of sexual fulfillment in their marriage. In fact, I can count on one hand the number of pastor/minister's wives in my 10+ years of ministry who were actually pleased in their marriage.
So here's what I wrote the Christian Nymphos admin to see if they knew of a site that would encourage me. If you know of one, please let me know!
Hello. I just discovered your website and sure wish I had it back when I was a pastor's wife. I am now divorced, but will definitely visit your site from time to time, even though you do not allow single women to post (and, honestly, I don't think my hormones can handle reading too much!!!).
My question is: do you know of any blogs/websites that encourage women who believe in waiting until marriage to have sex but at the same time hope (and expect) that said marriage will be spicy?
My last boyfriend told me that the reason I wasn't holding on to a man is that the sexy type I was attracted to wasn't going to wait to marry a woman before having sex with her because she might not be spicy enough and he wouldn't accept that risk. On the other hand, I've met a couple "church" guys who seem like they wouldn't know (or desire) spice even if they WERE married.
I guess what I'm asking is do you know of anywhere online I can be encouraged that I can indeed hold out for what's Godly and one day end up with husbands like yours who don't stifle their wives.
Thank you!
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I would encourage you to check out www.christian-single-woman.com
hmm sigle christians should be intresting i trust no one i trust in the lord he directs me to witch ever path he takes me one day i will find the right person untill then i will just wait my time
I just got married last week & was a virgin. penetration has been so painful. I don't hate sex, I want to enjoy it so much with my husband. I cant think of anything else & my husband is getting frustated
I am so sorry you're having such trouble with penetration. I found it very painful too the first year or so I was married.
Your husband is getting frustrated, so he must not realize HE can do a lot to make things better. For one, he can read "She Comes First" about how to get you truly ready for penetration and how to bring you enjoyment so you'll actually get something out of the sexual act. For two, most women don't generate the natural lubricant that makes sex easier unless the man has been good and loving to him. Husbands complain, but they don't start treating their wives any better.
I was married for over 10 years and never got enjoyment out of sex for three reasons:
1. I had been abused as a child and had no arousal until the Lord delivered me of that hurt.
2. I needed to learn my body. A woman's body doesn't work like a man's and many men get angry because they expect a woman is like them - couple of rubs and he's done. Well, she's not like him. Her body takes a lot more work to get sexual enjoyment and what works for her can change from day to day.
3. My husband was mean to me, and that dried up all of my arousal. For awhile I thought I was dysfunctional because even after the Lord healed the hurt of my childhood and I began to feel arousal, it would rarely come from my husband. The few times I'd feel aroused were when some other guy was nice to me. I'd have to stay away from that other guy and pray and fast for those feelings to go away so I wouldn't risk falling into adultery.
Finally I figured it out! IT was because he was so mean. He would only be nice when he thought about making love. He would read an article that says "women are like crock pots, it takes them all day to heat up" so he would say he loved me in the morning and send me an email at lunch. But woven around those things was an air of disrespect and an obvious "I'm only saying/doing these things because I want to make love tonight," which totally had the opposite effect: it made me LESS interested in spending that time with him.
I wish more men figured out that if they would treat their wives lovingly that even if she weren't into lovemaking herself, she would be more likely to please him in that area.
Also, the reason I learned my body in the first place was through reading "Woman's Orgasm" which outlines a plan for helping women have one if they never have before. There's some things in that book I don't like (as a Christian - for, example, thinking of a hot start while exploring yourself...that just sounds adulterous to me), but you can skip over steps you don't like and still get a lot out of the book!
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