After 4 days of travel delays, I finally made it home. Since I’m flying right back out tomorrow afternoon, I decided to get take-out rather than cook. I didn’t realize how generously sized the portions would be, and was surprised when the waitress brought out two large cases of food. I pondered how to balance two cases of food, two large styrofoam cups, a sleepy toddler, and a “you fiend” purse, and had decided to make two trips (and hope I didn’t get robbed), when a white teenage boy offered to carry both cases to the car for me. I glanced at his southern belle of a mom, who further surprised me by nodding her approval, and thanked him heartily as he grabbed the cases for me, opened the door for me, then carried my dinner down to my little red bug at the far end of the parking lot.
This event surprised me for two reasons:
1. My girlfriends and I had just been whining about how the more self-sufficient a woman is, the less likely anyone is to offer her help. It’s a vicious cycle: have to do things yourself, get offered less help, b/c you get offered less help, you have to learn to do more things for yourself. So I was not expecting an offer of help.
2. I’m back home in the Gump, and, well, when was the last time any of you readers saw a white boy offer to help a black woman (unless she was paying him)? Race issues have been heavy on my mind for a while now, and this is the angle I’ll take with the rest of this post.
My thinking about race began a couple days ago when I went to dinner with a friend. I love to try new restaurants, so was excited to go. However, from the moment I walked in, something didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel right when the hostess pointed me to the ladies room, and the feeling didn’t lift when I returned to the foyer at the same time that my friend arrived. The feeling grew worse when we were seated at the worst table and requested to be moved. My friend was rightfully irritated because the place was practically empty and the other two parties were comfortably seated in the far corner. The feeling so colored my perceptions that when my friend discussed “those people” in the white house, I was horrified; having misinterpreted “those people” to mean blacks, not liberals (as was intended, and quickly explained).
The feeling left me a poor dinner partner, I suspect, because it so occupied my mind that I was rendered useless in holding up my end of what should have been a spirited political debate. With few exceptions, I shrugged off each topic with, “you’ve got a good point,” and returned, inwardly, to my reflection of how different it is living as a black person, even in the most powerful nation in the world.
Before I continue, let me say up front that being black in today’s America is NOTHING like it was 50, 40, or even 20 years ago. My struggles pale in comparison to what previous generations had to endure. I am ever so grateful that they kept on keeping on, that they fought the good fight of faith, and that they persevered so I can be where I am today. Praise God for your sacrifices! I am truly thankful.
As I munched on my stale bread and picked out the mushrooms I had asked them not to include in my salad, I thought how different life was for me and my Caucasian friend. I won’t go so far as to accuse the restaurant of seating us by the kitchen to slight us, because we weren’t in the deep south, but I’ve been in many places where there was “meaning” behind giving my group the worst seats in the house, behind getting our order wrong, and behind serving us poor quality food. My friend requested a new seat, but I was caught off guard by the request because I’m quite used to it by now. Not only have I stopped asking to be reseated, but I don’t even notice it anymore. I would never have complained about the stale bread and requested more because I’m used to it. Again, I’m not accusing that restaurant of being racist (this was after a bad blizzard, and it’s far more likely their supply trucks hadn’t come through) but it got me thinking about all the times when such incidences WERE on purpose.
When did I stop insisting on proper treatment? When did I stop noticing? When did I get used to being a second class citizen? When did I switch from outrage at not being served in a store (“uh, no I’ll take the guy behind you”), to acceptance (that’s just the way it is-go along to get along, don’t rock the boat, don’t make life harder for the rest of us)? How did I go from arriving in the USA as a 16 yr old, ready to experience the melting pot, the rainbow, and the land of the free, being shocked at the “isolated” incidences of bigotry I observed that first summer, to the young woman who doesn’t bat an eye when informed of the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment, or told “your son will never attend this school so stop trying.” Perhaps it happened when I moved to a city that has “Cradle of the Confederacy” smack dab in the middle of its city seal.
I tell of my experiences with a smile on my face. It’s a funny aberration of an otherwise great nation. I joke about the “white door” and “black door” some establishments still have (not labeled, of course, but you learn to pay attention after the first time of walking in the wrong door). Why smile, why joke, when it’s really not funny? Because it covers up some of the pain and dissipates some of the anger at not being able to DO anything about it. I tell myself to fight it with my conduct, for as Lt Col Herb Carter (an original Tuskegee Airman) says, “the antidote to racism is excellence in performance.” I try to fool myself by saying it’s a compliment when locals discus, “those people,” or, “the blacks” and qualify their statements with, “but we’re not talking about you.” That is a compliment, right? Right? Yeah. Right.
I thought about a lot more during that dinner, things that I would not feel comfortable printing here, and things I certainly wasn’t going to discuss with my Caucasian friend: experiences with which my civilian, military, and spiritual mentors have held me spellbound, stories they have told us behind closed doors, advice and warnings they have provided that, while contrary to my optimistic, glass-half-full mentality, has always served me well.
In spite of this, I look at how our nation has changed in just a few decades: A friend was telling us how as a teenager she couldn’t go into the restaurants and stores of her home town, but now, in her 60s, she can turn on the TV and look upon a (half) black president. The walls are coming down, the glass ceilings are slowly being broken. I’m not sure things will ever truly be equal, but I do know that my son can aspire to be whatever he wants to be. It may not be easy, but all things are possible. If a young white boy, in the “Cradle of the Confederacy,” is willing to carry a black woman’s packages to her car, and the leader of the free world has some color to his skin, our nation has indeed seen change… change we can actually believe in.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Change We Actually CAN Believe In
Copied from my best friend's blog:
Overcoming Depression, Series Wrap Up
My hope is that this series has helped others overcome depression by looking at some of the factors that contribute to anxiety/stress in our lives. By reducing the anxiety of daily living, and taking positive action to direct our lives in the way WE want to go, we can begin to climb out of depression and into "life more abundantly."
As a wrap-up, here are my 5 tips to Overcoming Depression:
Tip #1: Tell yourself you are happy
Tip #2: Manage your expectations
Tip #3: Focus on what's good
Tip #4: Make sure your goals are things you can control
Tip 5: Accept yourself the way you are, or do something about it
Please note, thesse posts in no way qualify as professional advice. I am simply telling you what worked for me. Please seek your own counsel before implementing any of this advice.
As a wrap-up, here are my 5 tips to Overcoming Depression:
Tip #1: Tell yourself you are happy
Tip #2: Manage your expectations
Tip #3: Focus on what's good
Tip #4: Make sure your goals are things you can control
Tip 5: Accept yourself the way you are, or do something about it
Please note, thesse posts in no way qualify as professional advice. I am simply telling you what worked for me. Please seek your own counsel before implementing any of this advice.
Overcoming Depression, Part 5
Today's tip for overcoming depression is, to me, the toughest thing I ever did:
Tip 5: Accept yourself the way you are, or do something about it
To do this, I must examine myself, good and bad, and catagorize myself into things I can change and things I can't.
I must acknowledge what I can't change, and find ways to work around (or overcome)those obstacles. I must also acknowledge what I CAN change, and this can be tough because we really can change more than we like to believe we can.
A couple of examples:
I am African-American. In some places I visit, this affords me poor treatment. I cannot change that, though I can try to limit my travels (as much as possible) to places that aren't predominantly racist. And if I get treated poorly because of race, I can tell myself not to take it personally, not to let the incident get me down.
I am also a woman. In some jobs I've held, I've been told the reason my evals were poor was because I was a woman, not because of poor performance. I can't change that, though when I end up working for a boss who thinks less of women, I can quickly seek out another job. And if I get treated poorly because of gender, I can tell myself not to take it personally, not to let the incident get me down.
I prefer my own natural scent, and often don't understand why others don't agree. However, I have discovered that my scent offends others just as much as it pleases me, so I've learned to use nice grooming products with a pleasant smell and clean myself every morning (whether I feel like I need a wash or not). Being clean and somewhat fashionable results in more positive interactions with others, so this means less times people treat me bad, thus less hurtful experiences to be depressed about.
I must take a hard look at what I can change, and stop making excuses for not changing. If I choose not to change, that's one thing- I must accept the consequences of not changing as a matter of accepting myself the way I am. But many things that contribute to our depression can be changed. Behaviours, mannerisms, the way we present ourselves to others, etc, are things we can change. By changing them, we change how people react to us, and that in turn gives us more positive interactions, which helps lighten our depression.
My life will never be different if I keep doing the same things. Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,” and I think he's right.
As much as I like to whine and complain about how other people have it easy, the bottom line is we all have handicaps. We all have personality issues. We all have strengths and weaknesses, including NTs. We all have to overcome SOMETHING, and the first thing we need to overcome is the tendency to look at ourselves and either sugar coat the truth so we can avoid change, or paint ourselves as horrible hopeless creatures, which discourages us so bad that we lose motivation to change.
Tip 5: Accept yourself the way you are, or do something about it
To do this, I must examine myself, good and bad, and catagorize myself into things I can change and things I can't.
I must acknowledge what I can't change, and find ways to work around (or overcome)those obstacles. I must also acknowledge what I CAN change, and this can be tough because we really can change more than we like to believe we can.
A couple of examples:
I am African-American. In some places I visit, this affords me poor treatment. I cannot change that, though I can try to limit my travels (as much as possible) to places that aren't predominantly racist. And if I get treated poorly because of race, I can tell myself not to take it personally, not to let the incident get me down.
I am also a woman. In some jobs I've held, I've been told the reason my evals were poor was because I was a woman, not because of poor performance. I can't change that, though when I end up working for a boss who thinks less of women, I can quickly seek out another job. And if I get treated poorly because of gender, I can tell myself not to take it personally, not to let the incident get me down.
I prefer my own natural scent, and often don't understand why others don't agree. However, I have discovered that my scent offends others just as much as it pleases me, so I've learned to use nice grooming products with a pleasant smell and clean myself every morning (whether I feel like I need a wash or not). Being clean and somewhat fashionable results in more positive interactions with others, so this means less times people treat me bad, thus less hurtful experiences to be depressed about.
I must take a hard look at what I can change, and stop making excuses for not changing. If I choose not to change, that's one thing- I must accept the consequences of not changing as a matter of accepting myself the way I am. But many things that contribute to our depression can be changed. Behaviours, mannerisms, the way we present ourselves to others, etc, are things we can change. By changing them, we change how people react to us, and that in turn gives us more positive interactions, which helps lighten our depression.
My life will never be different if I keep doing the same things. Albert Einstein once said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,” and I think he's right.
As much as I like to whine and complain about how other people have it easy, the bottom line is we all have handicaps. We all have personality issues. We all have strengths and weaknesses, including NTs. We all have to overcome SOMETHING, and the first thing we need to overcome is the tendency to look at ourselves and either sugar coat the truth so we can avoid change, or paint ourselves as horrible hopeless creatures, which discourages us so bad that we lose motivation to change.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
Overcoming Depression, Part 4
Today's tip for overcoming depression requires some serious introspection: We're going to look at our goals, and see which ones may be setting us up for failure, and/or depression.
Tip #4: Make sure your goals are things you can control.
In my experience, one of the greatest contributors to depression is the feeling of failure. Failure on the job. Failure on the social scene. Failure with family. Failure with friends. Failure trying to learn a new skill. Join a new club. Find a new outfit. And so on.
One day I realized** that my goals were actually setting me up for failure. I wanted respect, admiration, acceptance.
But you know what?
I can't make that happen. Not one of us has power to control what another person thinks and feels! We can manipulate them (if they care enough about what we think) to get them to say the words we want to hear and even exhibit the behaviors we want to see. But we can't make them love us. We can't make anyone accept us deep down inside.
I can lose weight and get in shape, BUT there's no guarantee others will think I'm beautiful.
I can do things that are friendly and might increase my likableness, such as smiling and asking others about their day, BUT I can't make them like me.
I can make all the money I want, BUT that doesn't guarantee others will value my opinion.
I can do things that are respectable, such as hold a good job and volunteer my time, BUT I can't make others respect me.
I was working hard towards my goals, but coming up short because my goals were not something I could actually accomplish! I was spinning my wheels for nothing! My goals needed adjusting! They needed to be things I could accomplish no matter how other people feel.
For example, instead of trying to lose weight so others would think I was beautiful, I realized that I needed to be in good shape and protect my health whatever they thought of my beauty. Also, I realized that as a black female in a white-male dominated career field, they might never respect me or accept me. I shifted that goal toward doing the best job that I could do. At the same time, I began to seek outlets (or pockets) of creativity where I could be myself amongst like-minded people.
My depression began to lift when, in concert with the other tips I shared previously, when I adjusted my goals. I encourage you to look at your goals and see which ones are things you cannot really control. Write down what you want to get out of life. What are you striving for? Are those dreams under your power? Or do they depend on others. I'm not saying cast aside your dreams -not at all! But if you are struggling with depression, try adding a few goals that are entirely under your control, things you can accomplish no matter how others feel about you. Then go out and do them.
My depression began to lift when, in concert with the other tips I shared previously, when I adjusted my goals and began to accept myself the way I am (which will be the 5th and final goal in this series).
Take Care,
Paris
Tip #4: Make sure your goals are things you can control.
In my experience, one of the greatest contributors to depression is the feeling of failure. Failure on the job. Failure on the social scene. Failure with family. Failure with friends. Failure trying to learn a new skill. Join a new club. Find a new outfit. And so on.
One day I realized** that my goals were actually setting me up for failure. I wanted respect, admiration, acceptance.
But you know what?
I can't make that happen. Not one of us has power to control what another person thinks and feels! We can manipulate them (if they care enough about what we think) to get them to say the words we want to hear and even exhibit the behaviors we want to see. But we can't make them love us. We can't make anyone accept us deep down inside.
I can lose weight and get in shape, BUT there's no guarantee others will think I'm beautiful.
I can do things that are friendly and might increase my likableness, such as smiling and asking others about their day, BUT I can't make them like me.
I can make all the money I want, BUT that doesn't guarantee others will value my opinion.
I can do things that are respectable, such as hold a good job and volunteer my time, BUT I can't make others respect me.
I was working hard towards my goals, but coming up short because my goals were not something I could actually accomplish! I was spinning my wheels for nothing! My goals needed adjusting! They needed to be things I could accomplish no matter how other people feel.
For example, instead of trying to lose weight so others would think I was beautiful, I realized that I needed to be in good shape and protect my health whatever they thought of my beauty. Also, I realized that as a black female in a white-male dominated career field, they might never respect me or accept me. I shifted that goal toward doing the best job that I could do. At the same time, I began to seek outlets (or pockets) of creativity where I could be myself amongst like-minded people.
My depression began to lift when, in concert with the other tips I shared previously, when I adjusted my goals. I encourage you to look at your goals and see which ones are things you cannot really control. Write down what you want to get out of life. What are you striving for? Are those dreams under your power? Or do they depend on others. I'm not saying cast aside your dreams -not at all! But if you are struggling with depression, try adding a few goals that are entirely under your control, things you can accomplish no matter how others feel about you. Then go out and do them.
My depression began to lift when, in concert with the other tips I shared previously, when I adjusted my goals and began to accept myself the way I am (which will be the 5th and final goal in this series).
Take Care,
Paris
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Overcoming Depression, Part 3
Today's tip on overcoming depression challenges us to look past the current dismal state we may be feeling, and reaching out to things that are good.
Tip #3: Focus on what's good
When it feels like our world is crashing down around us, and we don't even look for the "light at the end of the tunnel" because we know if we see the light, it's probably a train, we can improve our mood by focusing on what's going right. What things we have going for us. How the world is a better place because we're in it.
For example, one day, I got some very bad news: I found out I did NOT qualify for a program I needed to progress further in my career, and was told (in political, polite, language) that I've gone as far as I can go and I'm the bottom of the barrel. Lots of losers get into this school, so I was feeling really, really, down about it. Now that I'm facing life as a single mom, money has become more important to me. I'm now the provider. And in a couple years, this job will turn into a pumpkin. So I was crying and sad and feeling like nothing in my life was going well. I didn't get the program, my promotion recommendation was laughed at, my weight won't budge (in spite of all these half-marathons I've been running), and my son has developed a very disrespectful mouth.
But then the Lord spoke to me.
And reminded me that my problems are minimal. No, my weight isn't going down, but I'm in great shape and unlike my peers I no longer need medication. I'm not likely to get promoted (*1) but I make good money. And I have a healthy retirement package. No, things aren't going well in the social department either (the dating and friend scene has really changed in the last 15 years since I've swam in it), but I have a beautiful son who gives me a legal excuse to do Aspie things most adults would get disrespected for (like play with sounds (mouth/throat), explore textures (grass, fence, etc), and twirl around like nobody's business).
So, one by one I started thinking about all the good things in my life. What's right. I started praying and thanking God for all the good things.
And I realized, sitting around moping in my room was NOT making the world a better place. So I started (slowly) volunteering again and doing things for others. And slowly but surely this helped pick me up out of my depressive slump.
I encourage you to try these tips, and let me know they work out for you and/or your friends the next time a depression comes along.
(*1) I'm NOT going to say I'll never get promoted, though this school is pretty much required in my line of work, since, after all, promotion comes not from the east, west, or the south- but GOD sets up one and takes down another. If God wants me to get promoted, I will. I have to do the work, of course, but He can put me where He wants me, in spite of what my administration says (ps 76:6-7).
Tip #3: Focus on what's good
When it feels like our world is crashing down around us, and we don't even look for the "light at the end of the tunnel" because we know if we see the light, it's probably a train, we can improve our mood by focusing on what's going right. What things we have going for us. How the world is a better place because we're in it.
For example, one day, I got some very bad news: I found out I did NOT qualify for a program I needed to progress further in my career, and was told (in political, polite, language) that I've gone as far as I can go and I'm the bottom of the barrel. Lots of losers get into this school, so I was feeling really, really, down about it. Now that I'm facing life as a single mom, money has become more important to me. I'm now the provider. And in a couple years, this job will turn into a pumpkin. So I was crying and sad and feeling like nothing in my life was going well. I didn't get the program, my promotion recommendation was laughed at, my weight won't budge (in spite of all these half-marathons I've been running), and my son has developed a very disrespectful mouth.
But then the Lord spoke to me.
And reminded me that my problems are minimal. No, my weight isn't going down, but I'm in great shape and unlike my peers I no longer need medication. I'm not likely to get promoted (*1) but I make good money. And I have a healthy retirement package. No, things aren't going well in the social department either (the dating and friend scene has really changed in the last 15 years since I've swam in it), but I have a beautiful son who gives me a legal excuse to do Aspie things most adults would get disrespected for (like play with sounds (mouth/throat), explore textures (grass, fence, etc), and twirl around like nobody's business).
So, one by one I started thinking about all the good things in my life. What's right. I started praying and thanking God for all the good things.
And I realized, sitting around moping in my room was NOT making the world a better place. So I started (slowly) volunteering again and doing things for others. And slowly but surely this helped pick me up out of my depressive slump.
I encourage you to try these tips, and let me know they work out for you and/or your friends the next time a depression comes along.
(*1) I'm NOT going to say I'll never get promoted, though this school is pretty much required in my line of work, since, after all, promotion comes not from the east, west, or the south- but GOD sets up one and takes down another. If God wants me to get promoted, I will. I have to do the work, of course, but He can put me where He wants me, in spite of what my administration says (ps 76:6-7).
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Overcoming Depression, Part 2
Today's tip on overcoming depression comes from one of the daily "DivorceCare" devotionals I have been receiving.
Tip #2 Manage your expectations
Says Dr. Jim A. Talley "You expected somebody to do something. That person didn't do it, and you get mad. What makes you even madder is that person doesn't seem to give a rip that he or she didn't do it. Now you're really hurt, and you begin to boil on the inside. You shift at that point to real bitterness. You have to go back and reset your expectations to what you can control and deal with. You can't force other people into your expectations."
I was really down about myself- I had worked so hard to lose weight, only to put it all back on when my ex announced our marriage's demise. Then, I was so emotionally overloaded that I felt like I couldn't handle even the smallest stressors. And, to top it off, my friends (what few I have!) were keeping their distance, because they didn't know how to handle the situation.
Through the course, I learned that it's normal to be overwhelmed with a divorce, to have a rough time dealing with things and to respond by overeating (or undereating, if that's your stress-mechanism). I learned to be gentle with myself, and tell myself that it's *normal* to be emotional, *normal* to not be able to focus all day long, *normal* to be sad, and *normal* for others to withdraw from you (either because they don't know how to help, they feel uncomfortable, or they just don't like being around sad people). I told myself NOT to expect my usual star performance on the job, and not to expect that everything would be perfect around the house.
And, over time, it worked. I can go out with those few friends now and have a good time, without thinking about all the hurt I suffered in that marriage. I can focus on losing that weight, and my productivity on the job has returned to normal. I don't have the life I wanted or expected, but things are starting to go really well and my outlook on life has greatly improved.
So, if you're faced with a tough time, try re-evaluating your expectations, and see if there are areas where you can lighten up a little bit.
Tip #2 Manage your expectations
Says Dr. Jim A. Talley "You expected somebody to do something. That person didn't do it, and you get mad. What makes you even madder is that person doesn't seem to give a rip that he or she didn't do it. Now you're really hurt, and you begin to boil on the inside. You shift at that point to real bitterness. You have to go back and reset your expectations to what you can control and deal with. You can't force other people into your expectations."
I was really down about myself- I had worked so hard to lose weight, only to put it all back on when my ex announced our marriage's demise. Then, I was so emotionally overloaded that I felt like I couldn't handle even the smallest stressors. And, to top it off, my friends (what few I have!) were keeping their distance, because they didn't know how to handle the situation.
Through the course, I learned that it's normal to be overwhelmed with a divorce, to have a rough time dealing with things and to respond by overeating (or undereating, if that's your stress-mechanism). I learned to be gentle with myself, and tell myself that it's *normal* to be emotional, *normal* to not be able to focus all day long, *normal* to be sad, and *normal* for others to withdraw from you (either because they don't know how to help, they feel uncomfortable, or they just don't like being around sad people). I told myself NOT to expect my usual star performance on the job, and not to expect that everything would be perfect around the house.
And, over time, it worked. I can go out with those few friends now and have a good time, without thinking about all the hurt I suffered in that marriage. I can focus on losing that weight, and my productivity on the job has returned to normal. I don't have the life I wanted or expected, but things are starting to go really well and my outlook on life has greatly improved.
So, if you're faced with a tough time, try re-evaluating your expectations, and see if there are areas where you can lighten up a little bit.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Overcoming Depression, Part 1
Hello everyone... I've been gone for a bit between teaching and extensive traveling over the last two months.
I've also had some very low moments where any blog post would have been simply my cry for attention and external affirmation. The change in my family status really hit me hard, and I haven't been this depressed since college, many years ago.
I discovered a few neat "coping" techniques and I thought I'd share them with you over the next few weeks. I don't know of any specific place where I learned of these, but I"m sure I didn't come up with the ideas on my own. They may have come from the Spirit, or perhaps from things I read/learned/overheard but took so long to process that I forgot where the ideas originated.
The first tip is this:
Tell yourself you are happy.
The next time you feel down in the dumps, try remembering something that you have every right to feel good about, and then tell yourself over and over how happy you are about that one thing (even if everything else is going wrong).
If you don't have something that you feel good about, then maybe you can create such a memory by volunteering, accomplishing a task on your "gonna do one day" list, or tackling a concrete project around the house.
Sounds simplistic, but let me illustrate with a real life example:
I received some very good news a couple weeks ago. But, now facing the world as a single mom, I had been quite down in the dumps about my change in marital status. But this very good news should have set me on cloud nine because it is something I had worked 12 years for. I couldn't understand why I wasn't happy. XYZ worked out, and now your life will be immensely better. I should have been celebrating, dancing in the streets. Then I decided to tell myself, "I AM happy. I AM so thankful to God that this worked out, and so HAPPY that I won't have to suffer like I expected to." Every time I had a few moments to myself to dwell on things, I kept telling myself over and over: "This is good news! I am SO happy about it! I am not in a 'happy mood' right now, but I'm going to choose to celebrate this good news and be happy about it. Things are falling into place as best as they possibly can, and I'm not going to mope about it. No, I'm going to be happy!"
Without realizing it, I talked myself into a good mood because the next day I was back to my old self, and a few days after that people began to comment about how happy I'd been.
Affirmations really work. Try it and let me know how it works out for you.
I've also had some very low moments where any blog post would have been simply my cry for attention and external affirmation. The change in my family status really hit me hard, and I haven't been this depressed since college, many years ago.
I discovered a few neat "coping" techniques and I thought I'd share them with you over the next few weeks. I don't know of any specific place where I learned of these, but I"m sure I didn't come up with the ideas on my own. They may have come from the Spirit, or perhaps from things I read/learned/overheard but took so long to process that I forgot where the ideas originated.
The first tip is this:
Tell yourself you are happy.
The next time you feel down in the dumps, try remembering something that you have every right to feel good about, and then tell yourself over and over how happy you are about that one thing (even if everything else is going wrong).
If you don't have something that you feel good about, then maybe you can create such a memory by volunteering, accomplishing a task on your "gonna do one day" list, or tackling a concrete project around the house.
Sounds simplistic, but let me illustrate with a real life example:
I received some very good news a couple weeks ago. But, now facing the world as a single mom, I had been quite down in the dumps about my change in marital status. But this very good news should have set me on cloud nine because it is something I had worked 12 years for. I couldn't understand why I wasn't happy. XYZ worked out, and now your life will be immensely better. I should have been celebrating, dancing in the streets. Then I decided to tell myself, "I AM happy. I AM so thankful to God that this worked out, and so HAPPY that I won't have to suffer like I expected to." Every time I had a few moments to myself to dwell on things, I kept telling myself over and over: "This is good news! I am SO happy about it! I am not in a 'happy mood' right now, but I'm going to choose to celebrate this good news and be happy about it. Things are falling into place as best as they possibly can, and I'm not going to mope about it. No, I'm going to be happy!"
Without realizing it, I talked myself into a good mood because the next day I was back to my old self, and a few days after that people began to comment about how happy I'd been.
Affirmations really work. Try it and let me know how it works out for you.
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