So unique. So Alone.

I have learned how to be friendly, and maintain a social calendar that is limited ONLY by my own personal requirement for “quiet time.” I’ve cracked the code on making friends, having fun, living the life.

Or so it seems.

Because I’m really still alone.

It’s easy to have friends when you learn to suppress some of your behaviors. Don’t talk about XYZ with this group. Don’t stim around that group. Don’t frown around most people. Don’t this. Don’t that.

Don’t look at this lunch as a social, fun time for you: look at it as work; you’re networking with the people you work with so they will help you out on the job later when you need them. You’re not shopping with the ladies from church so you can get what you want, but rather, you are shopping with them because for some reason (you still don’t understand) this makes them like you and accept you. Each of these things carry a social dimension that you’re missing, and though you don’t know WHY it works, you know that your life is easier and people help you more when you do these things with the people from job, church, community.

Smile, make small talk, ask about their mothers. Find something to compliment a person you don’t know and make it a challenge: what percentage of strangers at this gathering can you get talking for more than 2 minutes? A social checklist runs in your head, governing every interaction, and reminding you that when you get home you must log the details of your conversation, so that you will remember to ask after so-and-so’s mother and query you-know-who about their sponge hobby next time you meet.

You don’t REALLY watch movies with friends because if they get to talking, you go into sensory overload and can’t process their conversations or the speech from the movie. If you get mad, they get frustrated. So you learn how to control the meltdowns that go along with sensory overload, and go to their house to "watch movies” knowing full well you’re not going to understand anything. You know you will slip out for an extended bathroom break, or go outside to “talk” on your cell phone. But somehow they like you better when you spend time with them, and besides, you can always watch the movie later, by yourself.

When you go shopping with your “friends” you know better than to try and REALLY shop. You want to do it your way, which never seems to be their way. No one else wants to circle the mall 3 times visiting 47 stores to save $2.46 on a specific sweater. No one else wants to try on every article in the store to see if it will fit/flatter you. They just grab and go, but you’re just then getting warmed up. So you smile, and look, but you don’t really shop. You enjoy having friends, but sometimes feel alone.

But at the end of your day, all alone in your room, you realize that you are still alone. And you can go shopping for yourself, and go to dinner with yourself, and watch the shows you want to watch. But there’s no one there to watch them with. Because the minute you want to start doing YOUR stuff YOUR way, those people that filled up your social calendar melt away. Your way is too intense, too demanding, too precise, too full of minutiae, too calculating, too MUCH.

You are so unique. Will you always be alone?

Fun, But Still Alone.

I wrote the post "So Unique. So Alone." after thinking about two aspie authors who have killed themselves. It happened a long time ago and I don’t remember who they were. A Google search didn’t help me locate info on either of them so if you know who I’m talking about, please send me details. One was a lady whose book really helped me understand about being an Aspie, and the other was a young man whose aspie friendship site really helped others. I discovered them a couple years ago, after just learning about AS myself. I was shocked that someone who appeared to crack the code on friendship and getting along in an NT world would commit suicide. They had it made, right?

But one day I was sitting in my apartment. Alone. I could go to church. But I would still be alone. I can go to work tomorrow and laugh, joke, even go to lunch with my coworkers. But I would still be alone. I could go home to visit family who loves me. But I would still be alone. I can go out to meet new people, by joining a new group or trying to get closer to people I know but haven’t really hung around, because I hope that by meeting lots and lots of people I’ll eventually find some like me. But I’ve only found 1 other person who is enough like me that I can totally be myself around her; and she’s now living on another continent, so most likely I would still be alone.

So I sat there, alone. And felt the most hopeless and forlorn I had felt in a long time. In spite of all my efforts to be friendly, fill up my social calendar, and the fact that I was actually succeeding at my highly interpersonal job, I felt like there was too much missing. Like I would never be able to connect with someone in a way that was fulfilling to ALL of me. The part of me that loves the Lord AND the part of me that loves science AND the part of me that loves food AND the part of me that loves long-distance running AND the part of me that loves being a blend of two ethnic cultures AND the part of me that doesn’t like TV AND the part of me that doesn’t like movie theaters AND the part of me that loves to watch movies at home AND the part of me that likes outdoor sports AND the part of me that loves watching football AND the part of me that hates sports bars.

It sounds dumb when you read it, because none of that SHOULD be enough to make you depressed, but I didn’t want to live. I didn’t want to keep trying. I didn’t want to keep playing the NT game. I didn’t want to have to always adjust myself. It wasn’t fair. Other people didn’t have to change, why should I??? But in that instant, I discovered how others could help 1000s of other Aspies, appear to have cracked the code on how to have the good life, and yet still take their life.

I decided to pick myself up, accept the reality that my life is just going to be more of a battle than other people’s lives seemed to be (which really isn’t true- we just feel that way), and make the best out of a bad situation. Maybe I couldn’t be completely myself around others, but at least I could have fun. And I do have fun. But I have yet to feel as if I "belong," so even in the midst of my fun, I'm still alone.

Fat, Dumb, and Happy

The phrase, "Fat, Dumb, and Happy" is stuck in my mind because I've been wondering what life would be like if I never realized I was "different."

There was a time, back in high school, when I was blissfully unaware of my differences. Sure, I didn't have a lot of friends, but that's because I was focused on grades to get free college ride. And I was a nerd. Lack of friendship was expected. But when I went to college, my eyes were opened. I saw that others -even nerds- experienced a depth in relationships I had never known. I saw that people treat me worse when I presented myself as "me," and learned how to project a confidence I don't really feel. I lost about 60 pounds, became part of the "normal weight club" and discovered just how horribly others thought of "fatties" LIKE ME. Even now I can hardly purchase groceries without worrying over whether people are judging me for what I throw in the basket, for I've regained a few of those pounds.

I know I should be thankful. These revelations have allowed me to ascend to a higher professional status than I deserve. To make more money than I deserve. To be more than the Goodwill Janitor prescribed by my psych eval no offense to my Goodwill brethren intended- I'm just saying I should be where you are, but praise God, am able to hold a better job. I also have more social interaction, participate in networking events, and are routinely invited to events with coworkers (though none are as fulfilling as my friendships with a handful of other intense Aspies).

But on the other hand, my days are shadowed by a growing dislike of my natural self and seething anger of the injustice of having to conform. Before I knew I was different, I was happy. Happy with who I was and what I could accomplish.

What if I still believed that everyone else out there processes information like I do, or that they all have the same level of social interaction as I do. To not know how they belittle me when my weight creeps up. To not know how they make fun of my strange behaviors (before I learned to control and hide them). I wonder what it would be like to go back to not caring what anyone thinks of me. And one day, when I secure my retirement, and buy my house in the middle of nowhere, I intend to do just that. But it won't be the same for me.

It takes every ounce of energy I have to put up the proper front during the day, leaving me collapsed in a heap at the end of the day, with little time or energy for the things that truly give me joy. Why do I continue? Because I want to keep my job til I can retire, and I want people to take good care of my son while he's under my care. Those two goals inflict a requirement to get along with others, play "the game," be mindful of what they think about my appearance, behavior, life, etc. I tell myself it will be worth it 10 years from now when I have a "check for life" coming in and my son is a confident, productive member of society. I also tell myself that one day I will accept myself for who I am, embrace the good and the bad, and stop holding myself to someone else's standards of who I should be.

But until then, I'll sludge along and try not to look back wistfully at the days when I was "Fat, Dumb, and Happy."

Angry Aspies (another rant on friendship)

I've got an anger management problem. Do you? I'm working on it, and getting a LOT better. I'm discovering a LOT of my life is faling into place as I address the things that built up this intense anger I carry within me.

I think many Aspies are wired to get angry with less provocation and in a more violent manner than NTs, and I think a lot of it has to deal with not understanding what happened but not being pleased about it on the subconscious level. I wonder if being different sets up a cycle of anger: be different, get treated bad, find yourself unable to process or express feelings, get angry and act our (different, weird) b/c you can't understand the rage you're feeling and just want it to stop, get treated bad because you're different, and on it goes.

We don't even realize it, but our tendencey to "hijack conversations" or "share" or lecture may be driven by our deep-seated inner desire to prove our selves. We may not even be aware of it- or even aware that we ARE trying to prove ourselves. But deep down, we're trying to prove that we're just as good as anyone else. That we deserve to be treated just as good as anyone else. When I discovered this about myself (almost a year ago) it knocked the wind out of me. All of my accomplishments up to that point meant nothing, because they could never fill the void by parents treating me bad (just leave her in the corner- she'll never be normal) and kids treating me bad (she's so stooooo-pid).

I see a lot of Aspies who are angry because life hasn't treated us fair, and we see people who are less smart, less perfect, and less fill-in-the-blank getting ahead when all we get is shunned. They're jerks, and everyone likes them. We're amazing, and no one likes us. We get angrier, and insist upon those areas in which we can prove our worth by being right.

Problem is, to the outside observer, we're not as cool and perfect as we think we are. And until we are humbled, that attitude of "always right" will turn people off (and against us) before we can get close enough to say hi. I'm not sure how NTs pick up on it, but they do. Normal people have normal faults. Normal people forget about stuff pretty quickly (even commitments, unfortunately). Normal people don't know about or know how to do everything. When I run off the long list of businesses and community boards on which I serve, people think I'm making it up because Normal People can't do all of that at one time. Normal people only go on ad-infinitum about their special interest (if they have one) with others who share that interest. Normal people have the discretion not to share too much personal history too soon.

When we show ourselves to be outside the range of "normal" we are sending a clear signal to "normal people" that they should stay away from us. We're going to take up a lot of their time. We're going to want to talk a loooooong time, mostly about us and how right we are, and other things they aren't interested in. We're going to send loooooooong emails that their minds can't follow. We're going to use, abuse, embarrass, or just plain inconvenience them, and unless they have issues, they are going to move on and be friends with someone else.

What's left? We end up scraping the bottom of the barrel and find people who use, abuse, embarrass, and inconvenience us. We're not happy with the relationship, but we don't dare end it because we don't have a lot of friends to choose from.

I learned this the hard way. I'm telling you, so you can avoid making my mistakes, and maybe have good friends in your teens and twenties, instead of waiting til your late thirties and forties to figure this stuff out. If you have an anger problem, get some help on getting in touch with your feelings and what's causing them. Once you know what's making you angry, you can fix it. Learning how to identify and fix anger causing situations will help you end toxic relationships, which will help you respect yourself more, and that in turn will help you attract better people. Not sure why that works, but it does.

Hope it helps.

How To Lose A Friendship Before It Starts

Let me share with you an excerpt from my list of “No-Nos,” things I used to do that kept me from making friends with "quality" people. I've come a long way in my behavior over the last 10-12 years, so I don't mind sharing. Maybe you'll recognize yourself or someone you know in some parts of this list.

First, I'd like to mention we need to be careful of calling people "friends." I often used to consider people my friends then they were actually just being polite. Because I would never invite someone to join me if I didn't want them there, it's hard to for me to remember that people often act like they want us around when they don't. They're just being polite. We're supposed to pick up on the subtle hints and conveniently come up with other plans. Subtle hints are hard for most Aspies to catch, but I'm getting better and I'm sure you will too.

We have to remember that people won't generally tell us if these things are a problem. They will just avoid us in public and conveniently forget about us when doing things as a group, even if they like our personality and have no problem hanging out with us one-on-one in private. It is more important to MOST people to fit in than to nurture our friendship if our friendship threatens their ability to fit in with the group.

• Dominating the conversation, turning every conversation to be something about ourselves or our special interest. Even when talking about "them" somehow our comments always insert *us* and our accomplishments. We think we are building a bridge by sharing what we have in common. Others take it as bragging, narcissism, or dominating the conversation. I still have to watch out for this.
  
• Digging in eyes, ears, scratching scalp, or picking nails in public. Especially for women- you are not supposed to touch your face a lot, unless it is with a napkin or to push up glasses, etc. Good thing my mom taught me not to pick my nose, or I probably would have done that too.
  
• Poor grooming- look disheveled, strong body scent (according to their standards), hair not done (according to their standards), visible dirt on body, clothes rumpled or dirty (remember, they don't have tactile issues and don't understand why we always want to wear that same soft outfit all the time), also, if the group is fashionable (clothing, style) and you're not- the members of the group are less likely to invite you along, even if they like hanging around with you one-on-one (in private)
  
• Talking too loud in public
  
• Lack of "discretion," talking about things that are not "socially acceptable" As an example: in the airport one day, an aspie friend and I were talking about her upbringing. She explained childhood physical and sexual abuse in explicit detail, and was quite loud and agitated. I noticed that other passengers were getting uncomfortable with our conversation and directed it to something less distressing for those who overheard us. I consider this a victory, because 10 years ago I wouldn't have noticed their discomfort, and even if I had, I would have thought tough- that’s their problem and been happy to shake them out of their idyllic fake reality! I wouldn't have realized that extreme abuse isn't the kind of thing you talk about loudly in the airport waiting room.
  
• Always dropping stuff because of carrying too much or too unorganized; always fumbling to find keys wallet, etc
  
• Always tripping, falling, stumbling, etc. This is tough to overcome because many Aspies have spatial/clumsiness problems.
  
• Always causing "trouble" by too many special requests at the restaurant, or by asking too many questions when someone "hooks up" your group with a special deal (I always did this, because I was scared I was getting conned or they were going to charge me later)
  
• Being too critical of others (because we're so perfect, this is easy to do, LOL)
  
• Acting "weird," which is admittedly hard to quantify but basically most people don't like to stand out. And they don't want to be in a group with someone who sticks out like a sore thumb. Sometimes I have to be "true to myself" and stand out, but I have to accept the consequence that the people I'm with will be less likely to invite me along next time.

Like I said, most NTs won’t come out and tell you these things. And a lot of Aspies won’t either, because in most of the Aspie groups I’ve attended, much of the above doesn’t bother anyone. I guess we all carry too much stuff, and we’re all tripping and bumping into things. Or stimming in public. Or looking a little rumpled. I learned this stuff through trial and error and by overhearing what people say about me and others like me. BTW: If this looks familiar to you, it’s because I pulled it from another post I made to an anonymous aspie group I frequent. Hope it is of some use to you.

How to Handle "Typical" Unreliable People

I wrote this response to an Anonymous commenter who asked how to deal with the fact that most "typical" people don't value being reliable and following through on their word. You can see her comment on my "If Your Friends are Just Using You, They're Not Really Friends" post, but Blogger wouldn't accept the html link for the books, so here it is as a post.

Thank you for your comment. Let me recommend two books:

That's Not What I Meant!


You Just Don't Understand: Women and Men in Conversation


I don't know why most people don't feel the need to be honest and reliable.

I DO know, however, that it is so "normal" to be dishonest, that when I answered a psychological eval question "I never lie" with "true of me all the time" the person who interpreted the test told me it most likely indicated I am putting up a front. I asked why that would be- I really DON'T lie. He said that everyone (of normal psychology) lies and that if one says they don't lie, they are either of abnormal neurology (such as autism) or they are trying to pretend they never lie so that they will look good to others (thus, they are putting up a front). Very weird, IMHO.

Personally, here is the way I deal with it:

1. I do not "depend" on "typical" people. I make plans but typically have a backup in mind "just in case." I enjoy their company, but don't rely on it.

2. I keep in mind that "typical" people often say they want to do something, go somewhere, make XYZ agreement, when they don't. In many cases, they are making subtle hints that we (if we were typical) would pick up on and realize that they weren't going to follow through.

3. I really don't "plan" too many things anymore, because "typical" people are too fickle, and they don't feel the same sense of obligation I do about things. If I say I'm coming, then I'm coming no matter what it takes. If I say I'll do XYZ for you, short of death and dismemberment, I'll do it. Most people aren't like that. They'll go with the best thing going, and when something better comes along, they'll forget they made plans with me.

4. If I do "plan" something, it's a common area event- by that I mean, it's something like going to a museum or a race, where I can still enjoy myself whether everyone comes or I end up by myself. My "social calender" isn't as full as it used to look, but my interactions are much more enjoyable.

5. Finally, and this has been the HARDEST part of my walk, has been realizing that people just don't like being around me too long. I'm too honest, live too clean a lifestyle, and I don't watch a whole lot of junk. In other works, I'm pretty boring, and my lifestyle condemns others (especially other Christians). Even though I'm learning to season my words with grace, and I'm getting better at social interaction, I've accepted the fact that until I make people feel good about themselves when they're around me, and until I squelch any embarrassing habits I have, I'm going to be alone more than I want. The good news is, I don't want to be alone forever, and that has inspired me to change over the past few years. I'm still rough around the edges, but ask those who have known me- they'll tell you I've come a loooooong way.

If Your Friends are Just Using You, They're Not Really Friends

Tonight I posted a response to someone whose "friends" didn't seem to really care about xem. While the message board itself is anonymous, so I won't post the original message or details, I thought my response might help some of my fellow Aspies and autistic children of my NT readers. Here it is:

Hi XXXXXX,

You are not alone.

Unfortunately, I don't have the answer for you, but I can tell you a little about my experience... warning, this is very long...

It was heartbreaking for me to realize, toward the end of my senior year of college, that my friendships were shallow and one-sided. Every once in a blue moon I'd find someone who just liked hanging around me- watching the same things I watch, going to bookstores, going hiking, but for the most part my "friends" had specific agendas:

1. They didn't have anyone else to hang around with at the moment
2. If they wanted to talk and whine about their problems and all their other friends were tired of listening to it
3. They wanted to use me/take advantage of me

Some examples of "3" include:

In school I was one of few students who had a car, so I would get offers to go places if I drove. I often got "friends" who needed help on their homework (I was an honor roll student) and "liked me" long enough to get the homework or project done. Sometimes the Christian and Mormon girls would need a "chaperone" and invite me to tag along with them hiking with a guy.

Even though it's in my nature to want to help everyone and do things for people, I try really hard to resist now. People that are just using others do not care about the people they are using. In fact, I've worked with a lot of people that think those of us who are willing to help were put here to be taken advantage of. Basically, they subscribe to the belief that some people were made to be used, and it's ok to take advantage of someone if they deserve it. Of course I don't believe this, myself, but since I know most of my coworkers do I try to keep myself from doing things for them so I don't establish a cycle of being used.

After realizing most of my friendships were not really friendships at all, I made a concerted effort to minimize my involvement with those who are only out to use me. So I saw that someone didn't really care for me (because they never wanted to do what I want, and when we did stuff I always gave, never received, or they never cared how I was, only about themselves), I stopped doing things for them and I stop talking to them. Not completely, but mostly. It hurt to lose my friends. But they weren't really friends. And the funny thing is, I opened myself up to finding new friends (at church, the bookstore) now that I wasn't wasting all my time trying to please people who didn't really care about me.

Nowadays, when I meet someone, I am very careful not to do things for them or to tell too many of my stories. It's hard because I always want to help. Early on, I let others to talk more about themselves because the more you let others talk, the more they will enjoy being around you. But I keep an eye out for clues that this friendship will be one-sided, abusive, or just plain depressing, and if so, then I minimize my time spent with that person.

Some main results of this are:

1. (good result) I feel much better about myself. I don't feel like a doormat anymore. Sometimes I will accommodate someone who is just trying to use me, but usually only if it's in line with my own personal goals to do so.
2. (good result) I have a lower percentage of "superficial friendships." When I stopped letting people use me all the time, they moved on to other targets, er, I mean, more accommodating people. And it seems like when I started treating myself better by getting rid of people who were toxic for me, I started attracting better people into my life. Not MORE people, but BETTER people.
3. (sometimes depressing result) of course, that unfortunately means I have less friends overall. I go more places by myself and do more things by myself. I'm not completely happy about that, but now when I do go out with people, I have more meaningful interaction so when I get down about being alone more than I like, I tell myself "choose quality over quantity."
4. (really caught me by surprise) Finally, I want to note a side-effect of this change in my life is that, over time, I stopped really trusting people who come in to my life. meetings notwithstanding, I find if someone new is really friendly to me, or really seems interested in me, I get wary and start looking for "what do they want? what are they trying to butter me up for? what are they trying to get out of me?" 99% of the time they are, indeed, trying to take advantage of me. But I try to keep an open mind because every so often someone comes along who is just happy to meet someone like me (who is just like them).

Two big caveats I need to add to my advice are:

1. I, like most Aspies, have the problem of driving away "quality people" by expecting them to be like us. They're not. Even another Aspie isn’t going to be just like me. We can't always gauge someone's friendship potential by what we want or by whether or not our needs are always met because we may have unique needs other people are unable to meet. For example, I am a very "intense" person. Most people are not as intense, and will never be able to satisfy my need for that "intensity" in friendships. For example, I'm sure you couldn't tell by the length of this post, LOL, but I love long detailed descriptions. Most people (especially NTs) like to keep emails and posts to one or two paragraphs at most, and get overwhelmed when I send something this long. I can't allow myself to feel like they don't care about me if I write them a book and they just send one or two lines back. MOST people send short emails. That's NORMAL. They don't LIKE long emails. So I have to accept that. I have a few friends who like to write the way I do, and I always have to encourage them to ramble on and express themselves, otherwise they have been so conditioned by everyone else that they will automatically shorten what they say to me. I can't judge others by my own personal conduct because my conduct is not "normal."
2. Many people are, as XXXXXXXXX2 mentioned, narcissistic and only friends with us to feed their own egos and meet their own goals. It's good to stay away from those folks (because they drain us, and make us depressed) but we need to be honest with ourselves and realize that most of us are a little like that- we want friends that like US, make US feel good about ourselves, listen to US, and are interested in US. Since I know this is true for me, I don't cut off interaction with everyone who is just out for themselves, but I keep my expectations realistic. For example, a coworker often arranges events (dinners, trips, museums, etc). She has the personality that always finds special deals and gets people to make special concessions for her. We have spent a good portion of free time together, but I have no false expectations that she cares deeply about me. She simply does not like to be alone, and since I'm adventurous but unable to come up with the cool events she does, the "relationship" works for both of us.

Wow, that's longer than usual but I hope you are encouraged to know you are not alone and that you DON'T have to SETTLE for poor quality relationships. We still have to work with (and sometimes live with) people who are not good for us, but we don't have to spend our free time being hurt and ignored. It takes time to attract quality people into your life, but the first step is valuing yourself enough to put aside the people who are causing you pain.

Social Graces, or Lack Therof

My friends and I have been discussing how for us learning to be sociable is like cataloging experiences. We learn through discovery (whether ours or someone else's) and then catalog the right and wrong responses as we discover them. When the next situation comes up, we run through our catalogs and find the best matching response to throw out. For example, asking how are you (something I hate because usually no one really wants to know):

She asked "How are you today?"
Do I know her- > No. So the answer is "Fine," even though I'm really bummed b/c it looks like my weekend plans are falling through.

She asked "How are you today?"
Do I know her- > Yes. So the answer is "Doin' Alright," even though I'm really bummed b/c it looks like my weekend plans are falling through.
She's started rambling about her day -> Ok. She's not really interested in me right now. Let her talk. Don't mention my bad news.

She asked "How are you today?"
Do I know her- > Yes. So the answer is "Doin' Alright," even though I'm really bummed b/c it looks like my weekend plans are falling through.
She now asks, "How are your plans for the weekend going?" I say, "progressing" (and wonder if she is really interested or just being polite).
She asks, really, what are you trying to do? She asked the question, so I can tell her, but just a little, to guage her interest.

She asked "How are you today?"
Do I know her- > Yes. So the answer is "Doin' Alright," even though I'm really bummed b/c it looks like my weekend plans are falling through.
She now asks, "How are your plans for the weekend going?" I say, "progressing" (and wonder if she is really interested or just being polite).
Silence. Oh, yeah. This is where I'm supposed to ask her how her weekend is going, because in reality she's not very concerned about my weekend, she only asked me about it so she could open the door to telling me about her great new plans. So, I say, "What about you? Got plans?"

Well, I got another lesson in social graces today: The organizer of my running group offered me a free shirt (a standard cotton T-Shirt). I already have a ton of cotton shirts (some purchased through this running group) and T-Shirts don't flatter my figure.

So I said, "oh, I don't need another cotton shirt. But thanks for thinking of me." My thought was: he's offering me this shirt, but he normally sells them and since I don't need or want it why take it out of stock? He can either sell it or give it to someone who can use it. That's what I would want him to do if it were the other way around (I would be angry if you told me you wanted something and I gave it to you but later found it on the Goodwill racks).

He looked at me funny and then walked away. The girl I was with shook her heed and said, "You should have took the shirt. The right answer was, 'Thank You' and you take the shirt. You could have given it to your sister or something." I explained to her that I hate waste (which my taking the shirt would be) but she explained all the more that the right answer was to smile sweetly and take the shirt that he was obviously (to her, not to me) trying to get rid of.

What's sad is, I know she's right NT-wise, but I still hate the thought of wasting an item I don't need just to be polite. It never occurred to me I was hurting his feelings. I thought I was doing him a favor.

So, the first lesson from today is: sometimes it's better to be polite than to be "right."

The second lesson from todayis : sometimes as Aspies, we really CAN'T do others as we'd have them do unto us. We have to do unto them as THEY'D have us do.

And the final lesson from today is: When someone offers you something, the polite thing to do is take it, even if you don't want it.
Unless, of course, your friend is an Aspie who hates waste ;-)

75 of Us

I am enjoying this new blog thing, but was having trouble finding other autism blogs. I did some searches on autism, and searched for people on blogger whose profiles reflected an interest in autism. But most of those were parents. I was looking for Aspies or Auties themselves. Not their NT parents. Well, I searched on "Neurodiversity" and guess what?

There are 75 bloggers (on blogger) whose profiles include the word "Neurodiversity" in their interests. I love it when the numbers work out to "even groupings" of 5 like that. ;-)

Unfortunately, I've only visited 10 so far, and most have blogspot (not blogger), so I'm at a loss as to how to get their blogs in my "blogs I follow" list so I can easily see all the recent posts. No matter. I am sure I will enjoy working my way down the list as time progresses.

Just thought you'd like to know, in case you, too, are having trouble locating blogs writen by "us."