Let's All Be Secret Millionaires!

Boldfaced stealing of my best friend's blog post. It's so good I'm not even going ot comment, except that you ought to check out these books. Even if you don't buy them, the amazon reviews alone tell you a LOT about money:

Check out this article about Grace Groner, a woman who lived frugally and then surprised everyone by donating $7 Million to her alma mater.

The tried-and-true tips featured in the article include:

1. Live below your means

Groner lived in a tiny one-bedroom cottage she inherited from a friend. She didn’t own a car and bought her clothes at rummage sales. Mr. Buffett lives in the same Omaha, Neb., home he purchased in 1958 for $31,500.

2. Let it ride

Groner let her investment – three shares of Abbott stock – grow untouched, a strategy of investing often touted by Buffett. While most stocks won’t see the type of returns that Groner saw, “value investing” – which Buffett has come to define as “finding an outstanding company at a sensible price" ­– and reinvesting the dividends will let you take advantage of the power of compound interest.

3. Discretion

Groner was more circumspect than the megabillionaire. While Buffett’s wealth is well known due to the public nature of his position, only Groner’s attorney knew about her vast reserves until she passed away recently, giving her $7 million estate to her alma mater.

As Thomas Stanley and William Danko write in The Millionaire Next Door:

Wealth is not the same as income. If you make a good income each year and you spend it all, you are not getting wealthier. You are just living high. Wealth is what you accumulate, not what you spend.

I highly recommend both "The Millionaire Next Door" and "Your Money or Your Life." "Your Money or Your Life" is really great for illustrating the point called "Enough" (as in, I have ENOUGH money to live the life I want to live. It teaches you how to get there and how to devote your life to what really matters... in my case, serving the LORD! I'm not sure about their specific investment recommendations, but this book changed my mindset on money a few years ago. "The Millionaire Next Door" amazed me and let me know that "I can do it!" I hope it will encourage you too.

Again, please click on the links above an read about the books, even if you're (like me) too cheap to buy them, LOL!

School of Hard Knocks- Letter to My Friend

I just wrote this letter to an acquaintance, and thought I'd share parts of it with you (some minor edits for privacy's sake). It's neat to see how my perspective has changed over the last 9 months of being single (and the last 15 of being on my own). I've bolded some "life lessons" I've learned from all this. What do you think?

The single mom thing does get tiresome, but these days I'm realizing how much easier my life is! I think the last six weeks are the first time I actually had fun just living since I got married.

It's a long sob story, so I'll try not to bore you with every little detail, but basically I married the guy I was dating when you and I met. He changed instantly- even at our reception his dad tried to get him to dance with me, kiss me, etc but he would have none of it. He got what he wanted, and didn't have to work anymore. He knew with my religious conviction (and, at the time, low self esteem) I wouldn't leave. And he was right.

He turned out to be one of those guys who is used to mom/auntie/girlfriend taking care of him. He got kicked out of the AF, had a couple jobs, but eventually quit and wouldn't work. I put up with it for a long time (we'll do anything for someone we think loves us, won't we?) but once I began to resolve some issues from childhood, I become stronger and more confident, and also angry at having to work my primary job as well as two side businesses to pay his bills. I make good money. I really shouldn't have had to work so hard! After enough of my complaining that he needed to get a job he gave me an ultimatum: accept him as he is or leave. Well, he didn't actually plan on me leaving, but I did.

I was really hurt for awhile after all this, because after leaving I saw a side of him I never saw before. It scared me, and also strengthened my resolve to press for the divorce last year. He's very unstable, I'm glad we got out when we did. One thing that has helped me recover is now (almost a year after I left) most of our friends (who supported him, not me) are now seeing how erratic his behavior has become, because it's spilled over into his public life. It's a shame, but you can't fix people. They have to fix themselves.

The weird part is, most of my hurt and pain was not from having left him or missing him (I don't) but somewhat selfish pain of realizing all that time I thought we were in love and he was just looking for a meal ticket. And for most of my friends kicking me to the curb and supporting him (he's a well-known minister). And for not leaving that first year, when he first started getting abusive toward me (I almost did, but our counsel convinced me to stay- ugh).

The other weird thing is all this helped me realize that I have (inside) my own ability to be happy, no matter the situation. I'm not dependent on another person to make me happy. Not that I don't want to eventually find someone special, but I'm not sure you can ever know if someone is perfect for you. Some people are more compatible, which makes it easier to have a good relationship, but you just can't know if someone will go crazy 10 years from now.

This month and last were a lot of fun, and I'm amazed at how much easier it is to just have me and the boy to take care of. We've done a lot of "fun things" and also just sitting around watching movies- something I NEVER had time for before because I was too busy finding more ways to make money. I'm actually enjoying stuff rather than stressing about how much it costs (or how much I could have made if I had been out hustling instead of spending time with the boy).

I'm also enjoying being in charge of my life- though that comes at a bit of a cost: I can't blame anyone else anymore. I'm studying people (and couples especially) and I'm noticing good people attract good people. Folks with problems attract folks with problems. People who look (like I did), for someone to make their life complete and/or make them happy and/or take care of them, tend to end up with guys who promise all that in order to manipulate, use, and/or abuse them. People who are confident and maintain respectful boundaries run the risk of not having someone by their side all the time, but on the other hand are in charge of their lives and able to attract good people into their lives.

I guess that's why I say "I hope you find what you are looking for." I wonder if what you really need isn't where you moved to, but inside *you.*

2,363 Emails in my In-Box

I've been avoiding email all week. Most of it is spam- Viagra ads or Super RX. Or scam schemes, or invitations to porn.

I was going to clean it out today, until I saw the total number: 2,363 items in my in-box.

I know there's a few "real emails" in there. After all, I'm webmaster for several sites, including MarylandAutism.org, so I get service requests and such.

But I bet you this: out of all those emails, I'll bet not one is asking how my day went, or am I ok. I'm sure not one of them is anything personal or expressing any caring.

I've had a rough week. I received some bad news over the weekend, and all week I've been down. Up til yesterday, I did a good job of keeping a stiff upper lip on my job, but I know I've appeared down at church or with my (few) friends.

Problem is, most of my friends are like me- all business. Don't handle emotions well. Care, but don't know how to really help, and too uncomfortable to listen to anyone's pain for too long because there's nothing I can do about it.

And I want to whine, but who cares about my minor issues when one friend just got diagnosed w/cancer. Another's mother is dying, and another's marriage is falling apart.

I'm so glad that the Lord loves us. If I didn't have His love right now, I doubt I'd be sane. And I can at least be thankful that He is using this experience to show me what kind of friend *I* need to learn how to be... the kind of friend I wish I had right now.

He Said "I Love You Mommy!"

I'm so estatic, I can't believe it...

No, it's not the first time I've heard these words, because as you might have read in my "My First Hug" post, he has been saying "I love you" as a mimicked response to my saying "I love you" since he was about 2.5 years old.

But NOW he has started saying, unprompted, "I love you Mommy!" A couple times it was at awkward random moments,and I wondered if he was just testing for a response, and then repeating behavior which garnered a good response, but most of the time it occurred during "us time." We might be snuggling together, eating together, watching a movie, etc. Often, when he's said it, he throws his little arms around me and then gives me a kiss too.

He's 4.5 years old, and this is music to my ears!!!

Praise God!

A House Divided, Part 2

On ChristianMingle.com, I took the "Colors" test and found out that I am a core Red (power, gets things done efficentily, wants to be in control). I also found out that I'm almost as strongly blue (intimacy, want to love and be loved by others). I found an interesting quote about people like me:

What if you're purple

Hartman states unequivocally, “The most difficult color combination within one individual is the mixture of Red and Blue.” The reason a Blue-Red combination is such a difficult personality is that the Red and Blue core motives are in direct conflict. The example Hartman used is that a Blue-Red will delegate a task and be cutthroat about getting the job done (Red characteristic), only to feel guilty about it later (Blue characteristic).

Conflict.

A House Divided.

That is the struggle I am overcoming.

I want to be who I am, but feel guilty knowing that means going against the grain of this world and worrying about the impact of my individuality on my son.

I want to be holy, but feel bad because a holy lifestyle condemns others (even church-goers) without my even opening up my mouth.

I don't want to continue living in conflict, being embarrassed about who I am but not desiring to be like others in some ways and unable to change in others.

But the Lord didn't come for us to live in conflict! He came that we might have life and that more abundantly!

Lord help me life a life that honors YOU free from the burdens of man-made guilt-induced conflict.

A House Divided

Today, while studying scripture, I came across Lk 11:17, where Jesus says "Every kingdom divided against itself is brought to desolation; and a house divided against a house falleth."

Now, this particular passage is when then Pharisees are trying to acuse Jesus of casting out devils by the power of the devil, but today I saw the proverb from a totally unique perpspective, and thougth I'd share it with you.

A house divided against itself defeats itself. If I am "the house," am I taking actions against myself? I used to. I used to do the following things:

Said I wanted to lose weight, but then ate uncontrollably when I was upset or stressed

Said I wanted to keep my life organized, but came home and dumped papers wherever convenient (but then usually couldn't find them again!)

Said I wanted to ensure my bills were paid on time but then when the bill came in, I lumped it in with the rest of the mail and then somehow forgot it?

Professed my love to someone and then turned around and screamed at them for some stupid little thing.

In short, I was opposing myself! Defeating my own goals! Talking out both sides of my mouth! Making myself miserable through behavior which hindered my goals and my relationship.

These are all behaviors I have overcome in the last year of self-discovery, but I feel some of them (like the eating) creeping back in.

Thankfully, the Lord will give me strength (through His Holy Spirit) to resist the urge to oppose myself so that I don't become, once again, a house divided.

Why God Wants You To Take Care Of Yourself

I'm currently watching Joyce Meyer's Battlefield of the Mind. At one point she goes on a slight tangent about taking care of ourselves -and why we DON'T that really hit home with me:

You only get one body… You can’t go somewhere and order another one…You destroy this one, you’re out!

God wants to work through you; and if you destroy your health and you destroy your body, then He can’t do anything through you either. So you’re cheating yourself, you’re cheating Him, you’re cheating the people around you that God wants to use you to bless.

I think a lot of people don’t take good care of themselves b/c they got a bad attitude toward themselves they don’t think they’re worthy of doing the things they need to do to take care of themselves properly.

Some of you think that all you’re good for is work, work, work, work, all the time you grew up in an atmosphere where the only time people were happy with you was when you were working and producing. And the devil’s got you convinced that to enjoy your life is carnal and a sin. READ John 10:10

WOW! Jesus came that we might have life and that more abundantly!!!

But, especially for those of us with social impairment, we have found that people only "liked" us when we were working hard to please them or make them look good or doing something for them. And so we run ourselves into the ground trying to prove our worth for other PEOPLE, instead of guarding ourselves, and protecting ourselves, so we have enough energy to be used by HIM.

If you are interested in watching her video or reading it's accompanying book, here's the links: